Smart Phones, Safe Kids

Once upon a time, the whole idea of giving my child a smartphone before she was old enough to drive seemed idiotic to me. I live in one of those neighborhoods where many of the parents have more money than sense, and there were first graders showing up at my daughter's school carrying $500 phones. Wh-u-u-a-a-w-w-t? (That's Texan for "You've got to be kidding me!")
     Then her dad got weird and I got worried. She also hit third grade and started sleeping over at friends' homes. Thanks to her daddy issues, she had some serious separation anxiety. So...I gritted my teeth and gave her the Windows 7 HTC I was retiring, after locking the OS and apps down like Fort Knox. It didn't cost me anything because I was due for an upgrade and decided to skip the trade-in. (You only get a pittance of credit for your trade-in, anyway.)
     I've never been happier about a choice I made to do something that was against my more sensible, fiscally conservative nature.
     You see, my ex-, once a successful VP in his field, had become an addict. Not the smiley, midnight-munchies-craving, funny pothead kind of addict you see in movies, but a hard core cocaine-sniffing psychopath. The kind who was very good at hiding his problem. A story for another time.
    I didn't know what had gone wrong, but my mommy spidey-sense was tingling every time he was near, and my daughter had grown VERY afraid. Absent any serious proof or run-in with the law, I had no choice but to let him spend time with her. So I sent her off with my old cell phone and orders only to use it in emergencies. We didn't even load any numbers on it other than mine and her grandparents.
    So one lovely, sunny weekend, he picked her up, seemed normal, and drove off to make the 18-minute trip from my house to his parents, where he was living after being kicked out by his older, much richer girlfriend. About 45 minutes later, I got a text from my baby girl.

Mommy, I'm scared.

I replied.

Why, baby girl?

Her response.

Daddy almost had two accidents and now we're on the side of the road & he's asleep. I can't wake him up. 

    I picked up the phone and called her immediately. Once I calmed her down and found out she was closer to her grandparents' house than mine, I picked up my home phone and called them while I kept her on the line. He had awakened screaming while I was on the phone with my little girl. I told his parents and they rushed to go pick him and my daughter up.
   Giving her my old phone was the right choice.
   If your kid is not in a situation where s/he is away from you for extended periods of time and potentially needs to call where no phone will be available, then buying your 8-year-old an expensive smartphone is, well, not smart. Why? First of all, kids under 11-years-old aren't responsible enough nor do they possess sufficient decision-making skills to use today's devices safely. Many of the apps available have no parental controls whatsoever, and only the Windows platform offers any solid control via Family Safety. Online predators and identity thieves love taking advantage of kids and smartphones are an ideal platform for them to do that.
    The other reason buying your kid a fancy phone is nothing short of parental suicide is that you are very early in life establishing an expectation that your child should have the best without earning it. It may not seem like a big deal for parents who have built a habit of buying Junior the coolest, fanciest widget out there for every birthday and holiday. Guess what? Junior is going to grow up one day. He is going to think he HAS to have the BEST at all times, but he's going to start on a young adult's salary unless his last name is synonymous with a certain group of over-privileged reality-show families. He is going to go hungry if he thinks the latest high-tech MUST be his without knowing he has to save up for it and take good care of what he gets. (Or buy really good device insurance.)
    Around Christmas-time, my daughter lost the last hand-me-down phone I had given her. It was a $600 phone once upon a time. The ex- had become a guest of county law enforcement, so I felt no rush to replace that phone. She had to wait for my next upgrade. (I'm sure you'll be shocked to learn that coincided with the ex- rejoining the free world.) This time, when I handed her my Lumia 635, she was not only joyful, but eager to recite the rules of smartphone use and care. And she won't be turning off the GPS (which enables "Find my phone") to save battery every again. Much to my joy and consternation, Cortana's first response to my child was "I'm sorry, you'll need to be a bit older before I can help you." While it's awesome my squirt won't be able to use Cortana to find age-inappropriate materials on the web, it also disables some features I had hoped would help my ADHD baby manage her day, like Cortana's calendar/GPS-related prompts and the quiet hours feature that may be even more important to kids like mine than adults because of the ability to silence the phone during bed time hours but still use it to make emergency calls.

Key Takeaways:

1. Giving a kid a smartphone who doesn't have a need for it is detrimental. Go with a kid-friendly tablet instead. Preferably one with parental controls and/or kid-oriented limitations built-in.
2. The first smartphone(s) should be like the first car: used and slightly banged up with the assumption it's going to receive a few dings in the hands of its new owner.
3. If you give a mouse smartphone, you must disable the mouse's cookies. i.e. Enable parental controls and learn how to use them properly. I recommend Microsoft Family Safety with Windows. Version 10 phones should be out soon.