Mom 007

Right off the bat I will be dismissed and refuted by those delusional parents who think kids deserve complete privacy. (Clearly this is your first rodeo. Tsk tsk.)

Lucky for my child, I'm not just a mom, but a super-geek to boot. What this means for her is that no digital stone goes unturned in my house. That's right, "my house." Not "our house," but "my house." I pay the bills, I buy the groceries, and I do the bulk of the work. Therefore, it is "my house" and anyone not contributing to anything but the mess must bow to my will. (Just kidding!)

Back on topic: I love my child to pieces and trust her online about as far as I can throw a full-sized elephant. She is well aware of this fact and, frankly, quite happy to hear it.

You see, I am open and blatant about my spying when it comes to her online life. I've also got her on full digital lock down until she reaches legal adulthood, or, to quote Mr. Bennett of literary birth, "until [she] can spend 10 minutes of each day in a rational manner." Or moves out, which is likely to precede either of the other two qualifiers since she'll graduate at 17 on her current path and head off to Fish Camp well before her eighteenth birthday.

She was initially trepidatious about my policy of over-sight. Her friends had her convinced they had a right to privacy. (Yeah, legally that doesn't apply until you're an adult, with a few ridiculous exceptions that still have me wondering just how clueless lawmakers are these days.) Her attitude changed the day I called her out on some non-kid-friendly YouTube videos she'd watched involving anatomically corrected Ken & Barbie. She claimed a friend had told her to watch them. I didn't care. YouTube was eradicated from her devices and blocked from access. No more kitten videos, which was for the best given a search for "cute kittens" eventually morphs into naked girls dressed as kittens in the YouTube queues.

At first, she loudly lamented the loss of her favorite pastime. Then we had a rational discussion regarding why watching such drivel not only poisons her mind but can have lasting, damaging effects on her young psyche. We also discussed how predators target their pray via internet sites and the cookies they leave behind on the devices used to access them. Finally, we talked about how allowing kids her age (under 13) to view "inappropriate" content and join unmonitored social media sites was tantamount to neglect in this digital world. I let her know it was perfectly okay for her to tell her friends that her mom is a high tech/digital safety expert and digital dictator when they encourage her to do something online she knows will lead to trouble. There is no way on earth she is going to risk losing her devices altogether by breaking the rules again since nothing happens in "my house" that I don't know about. (Even my car is somewhat controlled by my smartphone, so she's already accepted she'll have no choice but to follow the rules when she starts driving in 5 years or I'll shut the engine down mid-trip via satellite.)

All said, she now feels more at ease knowing she's got impenetrable boundaries around her digital life and her mom is looking out for her safety.

Go ahead and fuss about how suppressive I am and how it might hurt her socially and developmentally. I spent the last 15+ years in a career that at times required assisting law enforcement with online predator cases, along with researching and teaching families about digital safety. The one thing I took away from that experience is that kids aren't safe online and the only way to protect them is to watch them like a vulture orbiting a dying animal in the desert. If living to see her eighteenth birthday means she misses out on the latest screaming goats videos or puppy memes, so be it. She's a bright, funny, out-going kid so I'm pretty sure she'll survive, as will her social life.

Check back later for a new page with digital safety tips and how you can be a more vigilant parent. Meanwhile, if you have kids old enough to get online, get your spy gear on and feel good knowing you're doing the right thing.

Dear Eye-Rollers

True, things have drastically improved as my ADHD child has matured and upped her Concerta dosage, but I still fall victim to the judgment of shameless eye-rollers now and then when out in public with my sweet girl. Here's what you should consider before you judge the next frazzled mom you see.

1. If you don't have kids, keep your high minded, under-experienced opinions to yourself. In a perfect world all kids would be just like the ones you see in clothing commercials: perfectly groomed and well-behaved. In the real world, it took 200 takes to get that baby to look "normal" for 5 seconds. You'll figure it out approximately 22 months after you give birth. Until then, keep quiet lest karma decide to take hard core revenge in the form of your future little "angel." FYI - children under the age of five who never act up in public are not the norm!
2. If I waited until my ADHD-suffering child were in a publicly-acceptable mood, I'd never leave the house. Children with ADHD are unpredictable well into their teens, on or off their meds. Nothing I do short of a horse tranquilizer will change that. (I'm pretty sure using the tranquilizer on an 11-year-old is illegal.) Since I must leave the house in order to obtain critical supplies like food and hard core cleaners, and as I am devoid of any adult back-up 99% of the time, you will simply have to tolerate the fact that my sweet angel does not comprehend the difference between an inside or outside voice or a store aisle versus a dance stage. Given she is both very funny and a talented dancer, maybe you should pull the stick out of your butt, smile and enjoy the free entertainment rather than lament the disruption of the phone call you chose to take in the middle of Walmart on a busy Saturday.
3. If you see me correcting my child in public, thank your lucky stars I know how to avert the full on nuclear meltdown before it occurs, taking down 400 cans of salty vegetables and a row of metal display shelves at its peak. Understand that my child doesn't respond to a quiet "don't do that" and the tone of voice and body language I employ are not only necessary but recommended by a trained professional. Get over it. In fact, avert your eyes and walk on by to ensure you don't inadvertently reinitiate the self-destruct sequence.
4. I live with this kid. My nerves are already shot. You could be the last straw that sends me over the edge and consequently the victim of my meltdown given I would never let loose on the child I love with all my heart. For your own personal safety, show some mercy and compassion for mothers with kids who don't fit the normal mold.
5. Even normal kids have ill-timed moments of exuberance. Given children are necessary to the continuation of the human species, it would serve you well to accept that fact and maybe even learn to glean a little joy from their happiness. Meanwhile, us over-worked, under-appreciated moms will continue to do our best to teach our progeny the appropriate times to sing a concerto knowing those lessons won't likely take until well after we've become grandparents.

Yours Truly,
Fractured Mom

Top Reasons to Stay at a Disney World Resort

With multiple kids spread over a 10-year age span, my family has made a few trips to Disney World in Orlando, which is by far our favorite go-to spot for vacations. One thing I've learned is that we definitely prefer to stay at the resort hotels at Disney World, regardless of the age and number of people in our parties. Here are the top reasons why:

1. You can take advantage of Disney's Magical Express luggage services. Fly-in and Disney's staff will pick up your checked bags, transport them to the resort and even deliver them directly to your room. (They also handle your checked bags at departure if flying on their partner airlines.)
2. Free, easy to access transportation between the hotel and all Disney parks. Every single resort hotel is connected by bus, boat or monorail to the other resort hotels and Disney World parks. The buses run frequently and every kid HAS to ride the famous monorail at least one time. While these are still available to all park guests once on-site, it really comes in handy at the end of the day when tugging tired tots back to the hotel room after a late night fireworks show.
3. Staying on property gets you access to Disney's "Extra Magic Hours." This means that the parks open earlier or stay open later for guests staying on property. (The later hours require your "key to the world" pass to access certain attractions.)
4. Everything is tied to your "key to the world" pass. This means you don't have to carry money at all in the parks, nor paper fast passes and the like. I love being able to grab a small bag with some sunscreen and anti-bacterial wipes with no other worries for the day. Disney resort guests get their dining plan, fast passes and credit card tied to their key to the world pass, leaving you with just one thing to keep up with during your stay.
5. In park shopping deliveries. Whether you're buying pictures, souvenirs or anything in between, you don't have to lug your purchases around all day. Just swipe your key to the world pass and sign a form to have your purchases either sent to your room or, on your last night, available for pick-up at guest services. This service is only available to resort guests. (It can take up to a day for your purchases to be delivered, but they are usually left at your hotel concierge desk or in your room by the end of the next day.)
6. Disney quality standards apply. The same amazing level of clean and good repair that applies to Disney's quality control in-park applies to the hotels. I've yet to enter a public or private area in a Disney resort hotel that wasn't extremely clean and in near-perfect condition. I can't really say the same about the themed or lower cost hotels outside the park.
7. In-room/in hotel child care. Some of the Disney resort hotels actually offer in-room sitting or on-site child care centers. In room sitters are often in the form of a Disney character to ease your child's comfort with the temporary caregiver. Child care service times should be reserved in advance of your visit, but are a great option for getting some adult-only time during your stay.
8. In-room celebrations. Make your trip special with a variety of gift packages that will magically appear in your room near the end of your first day or on a day of your choosing. (See "gifts" when making your reservation.)
9. Character experiences in the hotel. Most of the resorts offer meet and greet times with a variety of characters. See your concierge upon arrival for the schedule and locations during your visit.
10. Hotel amenities vary but always stick to the hotel and Disney theme. In addition to beautifully decorated themed rooms, the value resorts feature great pools and fun areas for kids while the moderate and deluxe hotels include themed water slides, play areas, game rooms and spas depending on the hotel. If you're willing to shell out extra for a top notch experience, reserve a room at Animal Kingdom with a balcony that looks out over the animal enclosures. There's nothing quite like waking to see a giraffe just outside your window!

All-in-all, you may find cheaper places to stay off property, but you simply cannot beat the total value and experience you get when staying in a Walt Disney World resort hotel. By the time you add in food and transportation costs, you may even find it's cheaper to stay in a WDW value resort than almost anywhere off property. Now Disney also offers the option to buy fewer park pass days than resort nights, allowing you to stay on-site but visit other attractions in Orlando during your vacation. Honestly, with the amount there is to do at WDW, you'd need to stay more than 10 days to find a reason to venture beyond the resort's borders during the months that all the parks and attractions are open.

Can't Miss Dining Experiences at Walt Disney World

When planning a trip to Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida, food is often the last thing a parent thinks about. And that can be a huge mistake. First of all, during peak months, the sit-down restaurants with the best meals often boast 2+ hour wait times for those who don't have a reservation. Secondly, you'll get tired of pizza and hot dogs pretty quickly if you're there for more than a few days, as will your family.

Thankfully, Disney offers an outstanding dining plan that gives you access to some incredible dining experiences.  I can't emphasize enough how important it is to book your sit down meals early. Here's the methodology I have found is most effective when planning my family's Disney vacation:

• Include the Deluxe Dining plan in your vacation package. (Stay on-site!)
• Determine which parks will offer Magic Hours times before booking your meals.
• Reserve your meals around the park Magic Hours to maximize your in-park time.
• If planning to eat dinner in Cinderella's or Belle's castle, book the very first day it is available as it is sure to be full within a few days. (Reservations open 6 months out.)

So, where are the places you absolutely must eat? After several visits, here are my family's favorites and why, as well as a few tips about how to make the most of your Disney dining experience:

1. Cinderella's Royal Table inside Cinderella's Castle in The Magic Kingdom. This will cost you two meals per person, but includes a family photo package with Cinderella before your meal and, if you happen to be lucky enough to book about 90 minutes before the evening fireworks show, is the best place to be during the show IF you can get a window table. At least four of Disney's most popular princesses will visit your table, so don't forget the camera and autograph book. TIP: If you're travelling with your own little princess (10 and under), be sure and book a visit with the fairy godmother's Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique in the castle about 2-3 hours before your meal. (The full package will include her favorite princess dress, shoes, wand, tiara, make-up and hair.) Best for families with young children or girls' trips.
2. Breakfast at O'Hana's at the Polynesian Resort. Book this before heading to the Magic Kingdom. Hawaiian-style family portraits are taken while you wait to be seated. The protein-heavy family-style breakfast is cooked over an open flame and your table will be visited by Lilo & Stitch and several classic Disney characters. TIP:  If you're not staying at the Polynesian, hop the monorail to get there and arrive at least 15 minutes early. All ages, especially men and teen-aged boys, will enjoy the endless mounds of breakfast meats.
3. Yak & Yeti in Animal Kingdom. Best suited for families with school-aged or older kids, this restaurant features incredible Asian décor and even better food. No characters, but even your fussier eaters will find something to dazzle their taste buds here. The interior is nice and cool - a great place to wind down the day at Animal Kingdom. TIP: If you happen to be a Landry's club member, bring your card.
4. 50's Prime Time Café in Disney's Hollywood Studios. Book your dinner here about 2 hours before heading off to Fantasmic - it's right down the road. As soon as you walk in, you'll expect Lucy and Ricky to appear at any moment. Classic, home-style American food has never been as much fun, but be sure and keep your elbows off the table or "mom" might come around and correct you! Fun for all ages, but be prepared for a long wait. TIP: Due to the extensive waiting list, you MUST show up 15 minutes before your reserved time to guarantee your table. Try the apple pie a la mode. And yes, the meatloaf is amazing.
5. Be Our Guest Restaurant in Magic Kingdom. The food is good, but the atmosphere is a sight to be seen. Be sure and spend a little time exploring - you won't want to miss the snowy window or the beast's room complete with torn artwork and magical rose. TIP: Use your fast pass to visit during lunch and avoid long lines if you're not able to book a sit-down dinner.
6. Sci-Fi Dine-In Theater in Disney Hollywood Studios. Reserve your lunch and head in here after visiting the back-lot tour to cool down and enjoy some classic film clips from inside your own 50's era "cars." The menu includes excellent sandwiches, burgers and shakes, just like a classic car hop. Reservations recommended with 2+ hour wait times otherwise.
7. Hollywood & Vine in Disney Hollywood Studios. Book an early breakfast here on an extra magic hours morning and enjoy a fun buffet featuring classic American waffle-house favorites in a 40's style soda shop atmosphere. TIP: Bring your camera and autograph books as the restaurant often breaks into dance and parade lines with the characters from the latest Disney Jr. shows. Since it's situated right in the main entry to DHS, it's the perfect place to start your day. Reservation recommended since wait times can exceed 2 hours.
8. Akershus Royal Banquet Hall in Epcot World Showcase. Book your lunch here and enjoy a surprisingly calm and easy-to-access Princess dining experience. The buffet features both exotic and "normal" meals and you'll get a complimentary family picture with Snow White or Aurora as well. TIP: there are multiple buffet lines - be sure and figure out which one includes foods your picky child will actually eat.
9. Coral Reef Restaurant in Epcot's Living Seas area. Dine with Nemo and his friends as well as the creatures from Disney's massive Living Seas exhibit. The seafood is excellent and the menu includes foods younger picky eaters will enjoy. TIP: Stop by the huge Nemo sculpture outside to take some fun family photos before arriving to your reservation 10-15 minutes early. Perfect for dinner at Epcot and a nice, cool rest before catching the fireworks display.
10. The Crystal Palace in Magic Kingdom. A massive buffet featuring dinner-quality entrees and huge dessert bar make this a must-stop for lunch during your WDW vacation. Winnie the Pooh characters circulate throughout the restaurant and your waiter will ensure you get a visit from each. Check out the amazing floral sculptures as you enter. TIP: Just outside the restaurant you'll find WDW photographers ready to take a family picture from the perfect view of Cinderella's castle. Be sure and make a reservation and arrive early or you may not get in. If you've got a Pooh fan in your group, book an extra visit for breakfast or dinner.
11. Yachtsman Steakhouse near The Yacht Club Resort. This five-star restaurant will cost you two meals per person and isn't well-suited to younger children. However, if most of your crew is 9+, this "dress up" restaurant offers amazing food and a lovely New England feel right on the water. TIP: Take a boat or ferry across the lake to arrive for your meal and get in the mood. (Check ahead for dress code.) Also perfect for mom & dad date time if you go with an in-room sitter for the evening.
12. Tusker House Restaurant in Animal Kingdom. Plan your lunch here and enjoy one of the most varied and tasteful buffets at Disney World. Lots of classic Disney and Lion King characters roam the dining area, so bring along that camera and autograph book.

Don't fret if you can't fit all of these places into your Disney World trip or some are already booked up. There really is no bad dining experience in Disney World. These just happen to be the twelve places we never miss when heading to Orlando.

One last tip: if you're sodium sensitive, let your wait staff know. Otherwise, bring clothes in the next size because the Disney chefs often aren't stingy with the salt.

Things I Wish I'd Known Before My Disney Dream Cruise

1. Before you go, if you intend to visit the spas or other popular on-board activities, book them the moment you're first allowed to do so. (You'll be given a date based on your sail date.) Most of the lower cost spa packages were booked up within hours of the reservations opening up. The most popular port adventures will also fill up early, so book those literally the moment you're able to do so. (You can preview them but not book before a certain date.) I recommend saving the activities and port adventures you plan to book, along with a backup or two, in your wish list so all you have to do is click "Reserve" when the time comes. Not kidding, login the MOMENT it opens as many will disappear minutes to hours after they open up the reservation system.
 2. What to bring: a mix of hanging out by the pool and casual, comfy clothes. (Shorts & tops need to be family friendly and some areas, especially fine dining, don't allow tank or tube tops.) Bring a waterproof camera, waterproof watch, a waterproof pouch with a lanyard for your phone and IDs (available at Walmart in the luggage section), water shoes, flip flops, bath supplies (except towels), zinc-based sunscreen, even if you don't normally burn, aloe vera for when you forget the sunscreen or it fails you mid-trip, pirate costumes, tropical costumes, something dressy for dress-up night (a summer maxi dress works well for girls), nice sandals or dress shoes. Leave valuables and electronics at home if you can. Don't forget your passport or driver's license and birth certificate. There's no storage space for luggage, but you'll want to leave room inside for souvenirs. Nesting luggage sets are a good idea. There is plenty of closet and drawer space to unpack for 4 in a cabin. Don't bother pre-ordering snacks, water or sodas for in your cabin - these and milk are available everywhere and you're free to roam the ship with your full cups. If you buy a souvenir cup the first day, it can be refilled at a discount, except for the shake cups. Use those to bring drinks back to your cabin instead.
 3. EVERYONE around us had pre-ordered cabin decorations. If you're travelling with young kids, avoid looking like a schmuck by making sure you at least order door decorations. It also makes it easier to find your cabin and you can take the high quality décor home with you when the trip is over. Find these under the "gifts" info within your reservation.
 4. Take the Disney bus from the Orlando airport. It's a great deal, reliable and comfortable complete with Disney cartoons and info videos about your cruise, and Disney will handle getting your checked luggage directly to your room by 6:30 PM the first night. (Bring swimsuits, sunscreen, medications and other essentials in your carry-on as luggage is usually delivered between 5:30 and 6:30 PM, well after you've boarded and left port.)
 5. The boarding time they "assign" isn't really your boarding time - just get in line when you arrive and you'll be checked in right away. When you check in at the terminal, have everyone in your cabin together with the required identification documented under your reservation info, and your Statement of Health signed document. Photos will be taken of each member of your party to be used for photo recognition when entering and exiting the ship, so everyone must be present at check-in. They'll assign you to a boarding group, take a group photo and shuffle you onto the ship. (This group photo and your individual pictures will be available for purchase during your cruise, so be prepared.)
 6. There are professional photographers everywhere. Budget about $350 for the full photo package (includes all digital photos taken and a large number of prints), or $150ish for a nice memory book you can organize yourself at Shutters on Deck 4 or 10 photos. Avoid trying to pick your photos up at the end of the day before or early morning your last day on board. Even though Shutters is open late that last day, the kiosks will have lines around them as well as the check-out stations. Tip: If you buy a minimum number of photos, a leather frame book comes free and includes autographed photos of the classic Disney characters. Budget about $22 for this frame otherwise. Individual prints run about $20 each, or packages start at around $150. YOU CAN'T PURCHASE PHOTOS ONCE YOU'RE OFF THE SHIP, so make sure you visit Shutters before you disembark. Photographers will also be around to take group and individual pictures during each theme night dinner and there are some fun scenic backdrop photo opportunities each night (in the main lobby).
 7. Once on board, I spent about $1100 between photos, Port Adventures (which are charged to your room the first day), adult beverages and shopping, and that was for myself and 1 child. Budget accordingly. Each meal offers included beverages and desserts as well as those that require an extra charge. You also have the option to pre-pay gratuity, which is a great deal. You'll still get envelopes along with your trip survey to leave extra cash tips on the last night.
 8. Register your kids for their clubs as soon as you board. Your room will be charged about $13 per child for the waterproof RFID bands, which most kids will want to keep as a souvenir. For kids on the age "bubble" (the year below the minimum year for a club), parents can choose to sign a waiver allowing your child to enter the older club. The 11 & up clubs do not require parental check-in/check-out, so remember your child we be able to come and go from those areas as they please.
 9. If you're celebrating anything special (birthday, anniversary, etc), let your head waiter know the first night. S/he can help make that moment special, especially if you've pre-ordered cake.
 10. Each morning (or late evening) the day's activities will be posted on the room number plate outside your cabin door. (The first day's newsletter also includes a movie schedule for the entire week.) Be sure and use this as your guide to plan each day. Many activities are repeated, but in different locations.
 11. Breakfast is awesome at the buffet on Deck 11. There are multiple stations so you can enter from either side, but talk a quick walk around to see what's on the menu before hopping into a line. The stations are somewhat mirrored: If you enter on one side, you'll see those items repeated near the door on the other side, with the cereal and yogurt station in the center. The only thing that wasn't great were the donuts/pastries. Go with Mickey waffles or muffins instead. Have at least one member of your group grab a table while the others get in line for food or you'll be sitting outside in the sun while you eat. If you do want to eat on deck, you can take your food to the tables by the pools or use the decks outside the restaurant if the sun is in the right spot.
 12. Get in line for character autograph/photo sessions at least 10-15 minutes before the character is scheduled to arrive. Most character meet & greets happen in the big lobby.
 13. The Arrr-Cade is expensive!  Most games cost about $1.00-$2.00 per play. Games in the Oceaneer's Lab and The Edge are free. Some activities in the kids' and teen clubs require a small fee, but the staff will call you if they need you to authorize a charge to your room.
 14. If you've booked a port adventure, your tickets will be left in your cabin (slid under the door) during the first night. For Nassau, you're on a pretty strict timeline and, if you're headed to Atlantis, will want to make sure you're among the first in line. Your tickets will tell you where to check in (likely one of the theaters' third floor entrances). You must have all documents with you, i.e. identification and any signed releases, before receiving your bands and being allowed to board the shuttle buses to your port adventure. If you forget your signed release, no worries - copies will be available inside the check-in area. The morning before your port adventure, you can purchase a portable, soft-sided cooler with 6 bottles of water or soda (or a mix). This is plenty for a group of 4 as drinks are available in the park as well. (Just hold onto your cup when you pick up lunch.) Be sure and bring plenty of sunscreen and a water-proof case for your IDs and Key to the World cards. You will have to show a passport or photo ID and birth certificate along with your key card for EVERY member of your party to re-board the ship. Keep a permanent marker handy to write your name on the cooler, which also makes a great souvenir.
 15. Cash is pretty much useless if you do the short Bahamian Cruise (Nassau & Castaway Cay). We booked the Atlantis Aquaventure (about $175 per person) and learned that only credit cards and Atlantis room keys are accepted in Atlantis. Even the lockers required a credit card and run $17 per day to rent. Your Key to the World Card (room key) is the only payment accepted on Castaway Cay.
 16. Atlantis is a neat place but not necessarily worth the $175/person price tag if the weather doesn't cooperate. It is open to the public and the lines for the more exciting water slides can get pretty long. It's also hard to get an inner tube for the lazy river and tube slides if you don't grab one first thing. For us, it was a big disappointment because they closed the water park after lunch due to lightning. If you do go to Atlantis, find a covered table or chairs near a pool and claim them with your towels as they all fill up fast. Wishing we'd booked the snorkel-the-ruins adventure instead.
 17. When meeting your Port Adventure group, make sure you're at the right theater and get there early. Lines are very long and you all have to be in line together. On the Dream, both theaters enter on both floors, so make sure you're in the right line!
 18. The getaway package was a great deal on Castaway Cay. You don't have to pick up your rented gear right away, but make sure you pick up snorkeling equipment early as children's sizes may run out. Walk instead of riding after exiting the ship and you'll bump into several Disney characters along the path. Everything you need but sunscreen will be provided for you on the island. Budget a little extra for souvenir shopping and the awesome smoothies sold at Olaf's stand (far-side of the family beach). Once you reach the family island, head to the side furthest from the ship and leave your towels (handed out as you exit the ship) and some old flippies you don't mind losing on umbrella-covered lounge chairs. There are bathrooms, snorkel gear, drink and food stations as well as souvenir and Olaf's smoothie shop on that far side, just over the hedge, AND it's a lot less crowded than the area closest to the ship. Be sure and claim your lounge chairs early - the covered ones will fill up within the first hour.
 19. At Castaway Cay, Inexperienced snorkelers need not worry - everyone gets an inflatable vest with your gear and wearing the bright yellow beast is mandatory for all snorkelers. Just make sure you re-apply some hard-core, zinc-based waterproof sunscreen, especially on your back, shoulders, neck and ears before you head out to find Mickey's shipwreck. (The lifeguards can give you the general location.) It took us about an hour to snorkel out and back, including time to stop and explore the underwater landscape. Bring a waterproof camera and snap some shots of the exotic fish you'll encounter once you get out into the deeper water. And yes, there are shark nets. The biggest fish we saw was less than 12".
 20. Book early (6 months before) and try to schedule the earlier dinner seating. The activities during the second dinner seemed to be more appealing to 8-12 year olds than the activities prior that are available for guests dining during the second time slot. (We booked our June cruise in February and the earlier seating was already full.) For little kids on the late dinner plan - there is pick-up at the restaurant available around 9 PM so older cruisers can enjoy their dinner. Food is also served in the kids' clubs at certain times and you can eat on Deck 11 almost any time of day.
 21. Movies and live shows fill up quickly, so be sure and arrive at least 10-15 minutes early. The Disney-World-quality live shows are excellent for all ages and average about an hour in length. Movies are recent- and current-theatrical release films and are free to attend, but again, fill up quick. Enter the theater from the 4th floor instead of the 3rd and shoot for front row balcony seats if you have older kids (9+). (You can see the trap doors in the stage, but otherwise the view is excellent.) If you have younger children, bring something to do and get in line at least 15 minutes early to get decent seats. You can go back for refreshments after you're seated, but the theater gets very dark once the show starts, so plan ahead.
 22. Popcorn, candy, shakes and sodas are available outside the theater. There is no discount on refills if you purchase the souvenir containers. The sodas are expensive and come in cans. You are free to bring in your own snacks and beverages, so consider grabbing some from Deck 11 before getting in line to enter the theater. The shakes and popcorn are better than I've had anywhere else, so if you're a connoisseur, plan to spend about $12 per person on a container of popcorn ($3.50) and a chocolate or vanilla shake, which only comes in a souvenir cup and is available on Deck 3 outside the Walt Disney Theater.
 23. Although the activities in the D-Lounge may look childish or uncool at first glance, take your kids as they are tons of fun and they'll appreciate you dragging them there after the fact. For example, the towel-folding class is a can't miss gem for all kids under 12 or girls of any age and there are lots of opportunities to learn some gourmet cooking skills or character-design tricks from the Disney pros.
 24. Wi-Fi is insanely expensive. Leave the internet-required games and devices at home: you won't need them once you're off the bus and you'll spend more time worrying about how to stuff them in the safe than you will using them. For communication, you're provided 2 satellite phones with text capability on board. Stuff one in each adult's waterproof pouch and lock your own cell phone up once you board to avoid roaming charges. Traditional cells don't work out on the ocean anyway, and you'll spend $60 on Wi-Fi the first time you try to use video chat, so skip it altogether. Instead of using your phone as an alarm clock, schedule wake up calls and Mickey will call your room until you're coherent enough to let him know you're up.
 25. Bring your pirate costumes. Almost everyone dresses up for pirate night and, though costumes and pirate gear are available on board, they'll cost you top dollar. ($20 for a plastic sword, $15 for an eye patch, $50 for a good quality, Disney-themed kid's costume.)
 26. Don't worry about pre-ordering drinks and snacks for your cabin. Everything you need is available during most waking hours on deck 11, including standard foods like pizza, hot dogs, burgers, fries, salads, fruits and sandwiches, sodas, coffee, milk and water, and even unlimited free soft-serve ice cream cones. (Tip: Bring the Lactaid if you've got any tolerance issues - ice cream is over-flowing at every meal and by the pools.)
 27. Click "Menu" on your in-cabin TV remote to get access to nearly every Disney movie ever made. Family-friendly channels also include the modern Mickey Mouse cartoons and music videos (mostly classic pop).
 28. Lines for the Aqua Duck water coaster ride are shortest when it first opens in the morning and during the dining seatings. Don't bring anything to the pools with you - towels are provided and there are no lockers. (Apply sunscreen before you get to Deck 11.)
 29. Naturally, adult beverages are an additional cost and run $6-$12, mostly in the middle of that range.
 30. You can't place a limit on Key to the World card spending, so don't add the kids even though ages 10+ are eligible. My daughter easily could've spent a house payment in the souvenir shops that are open every evening starting at about 6 PM.
 31. Some sundries are available on board, but they are very limited. Bring sunscreen, pain/fever reducer like Tylenol or Ibuprofen, allergy/antihistamines, and lots of aloe vera with you, along with everything you need for bath time. (Towels, washcloths, toilet paper and tissues are provided.)
 32. Check out is after breakfast the last morning, so you must pack the day before. Place your large luggage outside your room before 10:15 PM and it will be waiting for you when you reach the terminal.
 33. Have your identification and declaration claims forms ready to make re-entering the US quick and easy.

Yes, There Are Bullies in the Third Grade

Early on in her elementary school career, my baby girl was the epitome of "popular." It seemed we were at someone's birthday party or playdate every free moment. ADHD made her the kind of bubbly, bouncy, outgoing kid every other kid wanted to be around.

Then came third grade. By the time the holidays rolled around, the party invitations had stopped coming completely. No more playdates. She seemed very...alone. Her once ever-present smile faded. Though our house had once been the place 30-40 kids invaded for our annual holiday parties, she insisted she didn't want to have her traditional pre-Christmas party. "No one would come, anyway." She crawled into a shell and her bouts of anger and frustration hit a serious upswing. The child I'd known for eight years disappeared behind a wall of solitude and sadness, and I couldn't figure out why.

I thought maybe she was struggling at school or suffering from depression. While her interest in making good grades had certainly waned, she swore nothing was wrong. Tired of watching her sulk in front of the television for hours at a time on weekends, I'd suggest she invite one of her friends over only to get a shrug and a "she's probably busy." The only thing that seemed to interest her was dance, where signs of that happy, energetic girl would peek out here and there.

She didn't eat much, but it was hard to tell if it was emotional or the effects of her ADHD medication. Her counselor knew something was wrong but couldn't get her to talk about it. Mostly, she just said she didn't have any friends and no one would play with her at school. I talked to her teacher, who said she couldn't see a reason why the other kids would refuse to play with her. We live in an upscale neighborhood, so bullying never crossed my mind.

Then she started coming home with stains on her favorite clothes, grass in her hair and bruises on her knees and elbows. When I finally got her to talk about it, she explained that a classmate, a girl much smaller than her, had decided to make her the only person everyone was to chase during their tag game. Once my little girl's asthma kicked in and this smaller child could catch her, she'd shove her to the ground and laugh at her as she cried.

"Did you tell a teacher?" I asked, incredulous this could be happening without any adult intervention at all.

"Yeah, but then <other girl> said I just fell down and they believed her."

She was too embarrassed about having cried at recess to say anything else about it. Apparently it had gone on enough she'd been labeled a whiner by the teachers and generally ignored.

By spring time, my daughter was just a shadow of her former self. She cried and snapped often over little things. She sat alone at lunch and begged me to eat with her almost every day. She stopped paying attention to how she dressed, though "fashion" had once been a defining trademark of hers.

One evening in May, I was watching her practice dance when one of the other moms asked if we could talk. Her daughter shared both dance and school classes with mine. She had brought a friend with her to watch the class that day and the mom had overheard them talking in the backseat. The gist of the conversation was that the other girl was worried about talking to my daughter at the studio and consequently being ostracized if another girl in their class found out.  Orders were, no one was to socialize in any form or fashion with my child. Yes, the orders had come from the same little girl who'd organized the games of tag intended only to chase my daughter until she tired enough to be knocked down.

Thankfully, the mom I was talking to had already informed her daughter and their mutual classmate that what they were doing was bullying and it wasn't okay. Even though they hadn't done anything directly to bully my daughter, they had obeyed when their domineering classmate had threatened them with social extinction if they had been kind to her in anyway. As result, my child had spent most of her third grade year being told she couldn't play with other kids at recess (unless it was that targeted game of tag), sitting alone at lunch, never having a voluntary partner for class activities, and constantly being teased, humiliated and tormented by the bully's many minions. The reality was, the minions hated every minute of it but were too afraid of retribution not to follow orders

Finally knowing what was going on, I talked to my daughter that evening. "Baby, why are you letting that tiny little girl bully you? She barely comes to your armpits?"

"Because my karate teacher said we weren't allowed to hurt smaller kids. And you said not to hurt anyone."

"Honey, you don't have to hurt someone just because they're bullying you. You can stand up to a bully in other ways. Try talking to her, first. Offer to be friends, but let her know you've realized you're bigger than her and you're not going to tolerate it any more. Don't give her power over you any more. If she tells you that every seat is saved at lunch, you ignore her and sit where you want to. If she says something mean to you, laugh at her and do something silly. Let her see her opinion doesn't matter to you, and I promise she will stop picking on you."

We spent several days practicing how she would respond to a moment of bullying. By the end of the week she was ready. The moment arrived - the bully once again tried to exclude her while the teacher was out of the room. She stood over her and said, "I think it would be better if we would just be friends. Don't you want to be my friend?"

Amazingly, the bully agreed it would be easier if they were friends. Somehow, the teacher had already been apprised of the bullying and had already planned a discussion with the little girl. Soon after, she pulled her out and had a long discussion with her about bullying and established a punishment plan. (Normal school chores, a desk by the teacher, an assigned seat at lunch, etc.) She was happy the girls had resolved the issue on their own, but felt punishment was due anyway.

Today, the two girls are friends and my daughter is a champion of anti-bullying. She had her fourth grade class members all sign anti-bullying contracts that included a list of unacceptable behaviors. It took time, but she eventually established a new set of friends and re-established friendships with some old friends. She also learned that her worth is not tied to the value someone else assigns to her.

If your child suddenly seems to drastically change his or her social habits, become unusually quiet or depressed, dig a little deeper. Children with ADHD are easy targets once they enter the pre-teen years. Third grade was a little early, but it's certainly not unheard of as kids become less and less childlike every year in our society.

One thing that really stood out to me about the child who started bullying so early in life was the fact that she spent a lot of time watching TV shows that glorified hateful, bullying like behavior between kids. (Yeah, that's about half the pre-teen-targeted shows on Nickelodeon nowadays.) No one had told her those behaviors weren't normal and they weren't okay. In fact, she'd come to view them as something "cool" kids do, thanks to her television role models.

Parents, keep an eye on your kids. Your perfectly nice child may not be playing nice outside your direct line of sight. Your overly active child could be the target of teasing among peers who are rushing to grow up too soon. The only way you will know is to spend time watching your child interacting with other kids (without being seen), and to pay close attention to any changes in your child's behavior, emotional state, or social habits.

Start teaching your baby by age 6 or 7 what bullying looks like and that it's not something tolerated in your household. Bullying is never cool and often backfires on the bully. (The little third grade bully experienced almost a full year of backlash from her former minions.) Teach your child how to handle bullies early on, so that if it ever does happen, s/he knows what to do to stop it in it's tracks.

Above all, raise your kids not to bully and let them know you will be ever-present in their physical and virtual lives until they've reached adulthood, and maybe even after. Model good behavior and be clear that bullying will always be punished. Don't blow it off and someone accuses your child of bullying or being bullied. It is never kids just being kids. It is dangerous and deserves your undivided attention. ("1 out of 4 elementary-school bullies will have a criminal record by the time they are 30" according to kidshealth.org.) Be an anti-bullying force in your child's world. Her future and her life could depend on it.

Here are some great resources for parents and kids regarding bullying:
http://stompoutbullying.org/
http://www.stopbullying.gov/
http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/problems/bullies.html

Time to Think About School

You're probably thinking "but it seems like school just ended."

That may be true, but prepping your ADHD angel for school is a summer-long event since structure and routine are critical to minimizing ADHD frustration. Here are some of the methods I've found make the end of August much easier for my baby girl, who'll be entering middle school for the first time this year:

1. Summer Bridge
While most kids look forward to a break from learning over the summer, keeping the ADHD brain trained is critical to a smooth start for the next school year. There are plenty of fun activity-oriented workbooks available at your local brick & mortar bookstore. Let your child go with you to choose the workbook that looks most interesting to him or her. (I would use apps less as ADHD kids tend to get distracted by other games/apps on the machine and deviate from working classroom-style.) My daughter prefers the "Summer Bridge Activities" books with the shiny covers because they work physical activities and fun into a well-varied but structured schedule. I've found that completing this workbook through daily dedication ensures she avoids that "I forgot how to do that" panic that used to happen at the beginning of each school year.

2. Practice Your Morning Routine
Sleeping in and staying up late seem like fun things to do in the summer. Unfortunately, the damage these habits do to the ADHD child's circadian rhythm can take weeks, even months to undo. Rather than succumbing to this temptation on weeknights, keep your child on a regular sleep schedule and

practice morning habits that s/he will follow during the school year. For example: Instead of staying up and watching DXD Monday night, stick to your bedtime routine and create a daily "getting ready" checklist your child can practice following without the pressure of catching the school bus or beating the morning bell. (For that checklist, use a whiteboard with checkboxes and list everything from get dressed w/shoes on to eating breakfast and brushing teeth.) By the time school rolls around, the habits built over the summer will have become part of your child's daily structure and significantly reduce morning struggles that seem their worst about mid-August every year. Be sure and set a reward plan to go along with completing that morning checklist to make it worthwhile!

3. Night Rituals
ADHD kids need structure - solid, hardcore structure, to minimize distraction and frustration during the school year. One thing that can really throw off their school day is a hectic morning. Get your child into the habit of having everything ready for the next day before that little angel head hits the pillow at night. This starts with laying out the clothes for the next day and NOT deciding on a change in the morning, finding both shoes, socks and undergarments to .

4. Tame the Backpack
One of my daughter's biggest problems during the school year has always been her backpack. Even if her homework made it into that black hole of paperwork, it rarely made it back out again in a timely manner without some serious adult intervention. Summer is a great time to figure out where backpacks will go after school and what happens to their contents on a daily basis. Practice organizing "homework" (hint: use summer bridge activity pages) into folders (by subject or due day) and tracking due dates in an organizer or, if allowed, electronic calendar. (If using an electronic device, be sure and block the ability to install apps and download games or your ADHD baby will never put that thing down again.) Be sure to practice placing parent notes and flyers in the backpack as well. Then have your child practice walking in the door, pulling out the homework, parent notes, items for signature, and placing them in a "mailbox" or other organizer along with putting that backpack in it's assigned place. Again, be sure and build a reward system around getting homework and parent signatures turned in on time as well as making sure you see those flyers without you having to remind your baby to do it. Practice de-cluttering the backpack every weekend so this becomes a habit as well.

5. Build Independence
By the time your child reaches fourth grade, s/he will need to be able to function somewhat independently. Many schools begin "switches" at this point, which require your child to keep up with supplies and homework throughout the day as the classes move from room to room. Practice putting supplies back into their proper places as soon as they're no longer needed. Use the summer to figure out which methods and supply organizers work best for your child. Mine had tried a locking pencil box but quickly found that keeping track of the key and the extra time required to deal with the lock were too much for her. Zipper pouches in the binder required too many steps to put things away and she'd end up forgetting to close the zipper or the binder. Standard-issue plastic pencil boxes didn't work because they opened and spilled too easily when she was in a hurry. We eventually settled on a case with a button latch closure and mesh pockets to store erasers and smaller items. It was a little heavier, but stayed closed and made it easier her for to find what she needed once she got to class. Some kids work best with zipper pouches in their binders, others with that standard issue pencil box. A little experimentation when the pressure is off goes a long way, and you can always donate the rejected supplies to the school or a local church to gift to kids in need.

6. The School Tour
Teachers are usually back about a month before school starts. Try to make arrangements with your school counselor to make a few practice runs through the halls if your ADHD child will be in multiple classrooms during the school year. ADHD may not affect a sense of direction, but the sooner your child builds a mental pathway from class to class following the pattern s/he'll be using during the school year, the less likely your baby will be to chase squirrels between classes and end up in the wrong hallway, or worse, outside the building. If possible, you should sit down with each of his/her future teachers before the year starts and review your child's education accommodations. (If your child attends school in Texas, make sure you get a 504 classification as soon as possible.) Each child's needs are a little different. My daughter has to be seated near the teacher facing away from the class and any possible distractions. She gets to wear sound-blocking headphones for tests and a privacy screen when needed. Her 504 exception also includes removal of time limits for testing and an extra day to turn in homework as well as a requirement that teachers notify me directly if she doesn't turn something in the day it's due. Introducing her to her counselor early ensures she knows where to go and can find a friendly face should things go sideways during the school day. Finally, she gets an exception to the electronic device rules since she's unable to keep track of schedules in her head. (Her phone calendar makes sure she's in the right place at the right time and knows what tasks are ahead.)  These exceptions require a good deal of pre-work on your part, including a professional medical diagnosis of ADHD and a note from an approved physician and/or counselor listing the required accommodations. However, once you've gotten the exceptions documented, teachers are required by the state to allow them.

Hello

Parenting is a tough job, even more so when you're doing it alone. Add in a pre-teen diva with ADHD, a house full of high-maintenance pets and an ex- with substance abuse issues and delusions of...well, I'll share that later. I think you get the point.

I've kept my identity hidden so I can "speak" openly with you about my adventures navigating ADHD parenthood, a full-time career, the Texas Family Court system, and life with an unpredictable ex. Thanks to my pre-single-mom-hood background, I'm lucky enough to be well-equipped to handle almost anything that comes my way. It's my hope that by sharing my experiences and advice, other parents out there who find themselves in similar circumstances will benefit from what I've learned along the way.

Never fear, I'm not about 24x7 doom and gloom. I have a sense of humor, albeit a slightly twisted one, and plenty of non-melodramatic topics that tickle my fancy as well. To be honest, you never know what you may find here. Sometimes gold, sometimes the ramblings of a geek who's gone too many days without any sleep. Either way, I hope your life is a little improved by your visit here. If not, hopefully it was a good way to blow a few minutes versus busting candy or killing zombies.