Mom 007

Right off the bat I will be dismissed and refuted by those delusional parents who think kids deserve complete privacy. (Clearly this is your first rodeo. Tsk tsk.)

Lucky for my child, I'm not just a mom, but a super-geek to boot. What this means for her is that no digital stone goes unturned in my house. That's right, "my house." Not "our house," but "my house." I pay the bills, I buy the groceries, and I do the bulk of the work. Therefore, it is "my house" and anyone not contributing to anything but the mess must bow to my will. (Just kidding!)

Back on topic: I love my child to pieces and trust her online about as far as I can throw a full-sized elephant. She is well aware of this fact and, frankly, quite happy to hear it.

You see, I am open and blatant about my spying when it comes to her online life. I've also got her on full digital lock down until she reaches legal adulthood, or, to quote Mr. Bennett of literary birth, "until [she] can spend 10 minutes of each day in a rational manner." Or moves out, which is likely to precede either of the other two qualifiers since she'll graduate at 17 on her current path and head off to Fish Camp well before her eighteenth birthday.

She was initially trepidatious about my policy of over-sight. Her friends had her convinced they had a right to privacy. (Yeah, legally that doesn't apply until you're an adult, with a few ridiculous exceptions that still have me wondering just how clueless lawmakers are these days.) Her attitude changed the day I called her out on some non-kid-friendly YouTube videos she'd watched involving anatomically corrected Ken & Barbie. She claimed a friend had told her to watch them. I didn't care. YouTube was eradicated from her devices and blocked from access. No more kitten videos, which was for the best given a search for "cute kittens" eventually morphs into naked girls dressed as kittens in the YouTube queues.

At first, she loudly lamented the loss of her favorite pastime. Then we had a rational discussion regarding why watching such drivel not only poisons her mind but can have lasting, damaging effects on her young psyche. We also discussed how predators target their pray via internet sites and the cookies they leave behind on the devices used to access them. Finally, we talked about how allowing kids her age (under 13) to view "inappropriate" content and join unmonitored social media sites was tantamount to neglect in this digital world. I let her know it was perfectly okay for her to tell her friends that her mom is a high tech/digital safety expert and digital dictator when they encourage her to do something online she knows will lead to trouble. There is no way on earth she is going to risk losing her devices altogether by breaking the rules again since nothing happens in "my house" that I don't know about. (Even my car is somewhat controlled by my smartphone, so she's already accepted she'll have no choice but to follow the rules when she starts driving in 5 years or I'll shut the engine down mid-trip via satellite.)

All said, she now feels more at ease knowing she's got impenetrable boundaries around her digital life and her mom is looking out for her safety.

Go ahead and fuss about how suppressive I am and how it might hurt her socially and developmentally. I spent the last 15+ years in a career that at times required assisting law enforcement with online predator cases, along with researching and teaching families about digital safety. The one thing I took away from that experience is that kids aren't safe online and the only way to protect them is to watch them like a vulture orbiting a dying animal in the desert. If living to see her eighteenth birthday means she misses out on the latest screaming goats videos or puppy memes, so be it. She's a bright, funny, out-going kid so I'm pretty sure she'll survive, as will her social life.

Check back later for a new page with digital safety tips and how you can be a more vigilant parent. Meanwhile, if you have kids old enough to get online, get your spy gear on and feel good knowing you're doing the right thing.