If You Do One Thing In 2016...

Every year, for reasons as yet unexplained, we all make shallow resolutions we know we'll never keep that tend to run along the same tired old lines:
"I vow to exercise every day."
"I'm going to watch less TV and get out more."
"I'm going to spend less time on the computer."
"I will lose those last 10 pounds."
"I will stop consuming my monthly sugar allowance every morning."
"I'm going to get a better job."
"I'm going to eat right."
"I'm going to party less."

Why not this year, make a resolution that matters? One that is easy to keep and will benefit society as a whole?

No, I'm not suggesting you sell everything you own and donate it to charity.

If you're a parent, though, you can make your resolution count. Resolve to teach your kids to love. (If you're not a parent, this still applies.)

What does this mean? Well, I've put together a list:

• Love your kids unconditionally and make sure they know it. The first thing kids need in this world is to know that, no matter who they are, how successful they become or how many tiny failures they suffer, that they are loved.
• Show kindness to others. Buy a stranger lunch. Keep essentials in your car to hand out to the homeless you encounter. Hold the door for others or let someone ahead of you in line. Help someone load their groceries in their car. (Ask first so they don't think you're there to rob them.)
• Compliment quickly, criticize slowly. Keep track of what you say. Are most of the things you say to your kids positive or negative? When your baby does something wrong, do you get angry or kindly show him or her the right thing to do? Little girls need to hear they're pretty, smart, and accomplished. Little boys need to hear that they're good at something they care about. Both need to hear that they are valuable more than they need to hear about areas they need to improve. Yes, you need to correct your kids, but do it out of love and in a positive manner.
• Avoid insulting others in front of your kids. Even if you think you're just making a joke about those "Dummycrats" or "crazy conservatives", those "wetbacks," "crackers" or "towelheads," those "fat girls" or "bald guys," you're teaching your kid to hate.  You're breeding a person who will grow to stereotype others and fail to function well in a melting pot society like most civilized countries have become. The same goes for exposing your kids to others who spew hate. I personally have no problem taking my child out of the room when a family member or friend decides to spout off about some stereotype or another, and I've come to the conclusion that watching political speeches and debates in general is just a bad idea nowadays. (Let's face it, politicians have become the biggest hate mongers around.)
• Reward acts of love and kindness. When your kid shares with others, point out how it makes you proud. If your little one makes a mess but does it creating a gift for you or someone else, express gratitude and joyfully help clean it up. Conversely, when your kid acts selfish or greedy, take the object away. Teach him or her that all things must be earned and that nothing in this world is more important than the people around us.
• Serve others. I take my tween daughter to serve the homeless several times a year. She helps hand out necessities, serves meals and sorts clothing that has been donated. I've taught her not to view those we serve as "the homeless," but as human beings who have been less fortunate but are still valuable nonetheless. She has learned to engage them in conversation and found enlightenment in doing so. She has also learned to appreciate what she has and covet less. For younger kids, just taking them to donate food or toys at an orphanage will have meaning. If you have little yourself, give of your time. Help a neighbor complete a needed repair or donate clothing your child has outgrown to a smaller child nearby. Invite a hungry neighbor to share dinner with your family. There are so many things we can do to serve each other without spending a dime.
• Protect your kids. Don't expose them to violent entertainment or hate speech.
• Give your time. Be there for them, even when it's hard. We all make difficult choices, and sometimes that means having less so we can be there more. I gave up a significantly higher salary to be home more for my little girl. While not everyone can do the same, you can, as a parent, make strategic sacrifices to be a good parent. (Just remember to take care of yourself in the process. You're no good to your children if you're gone.) If you're a single parent and don't have custody, KEEP YOUR VISITS. Make them about your kid, not your latest love interest or hobby. Even remote parents have a major influence on a child's self-worth and attitude towards others, sometimes more so than the parent at home.

You see, teaching your kids to love isn't about "teaching," but about showing. This year, let's all resolve to love others, and maybe, just maybe, we'll see our world change for the better.

5 Trends I Hope Stay in 2015

2015 was an interesting year, no doubt. With a Presidential election looming ahead, terrorist attacks, riots, identity issues and migrant/refugee crises, there was plenty going on. More than enough to ensure most sensible parents only watched the news once the kiddos were in bed.
     Along with rife of events came a handful of cultural trends that, between you and me, I'd be delighted to see quietly disappear with the passing year. In no particular order, here they are:

SELFIE OBSESSION Let's face it, this has become a disease. I snickered when I heard Kim Kardashian released a book containing thousands of selfies, and people actually paid money for it. It became far less funny when people lost their lives in the process of upping the selfie ante. No less than 28 deaths were documented in 2015 in pursuit of selfies, and numerous non-documented injuries. I personally get tired of missing green lights because the doofus in front of me is too busy posing in the car mirror to drive.

SCIENCE OVERRULED BY POPULAR CULTURE I get it, you "feel" like you're something other than you are. I often "identify" as a reclusive billionaire, but that doesn't make me one. Global warming caused massive debates among non-scientific communities to the point it was relabeled "climate change." In 2015, there seemed to be an inexplicable rush to completely ignore the laws of science in the interest of supporting (or opposing) the issue of the day. For those of us who exist in a primarily logical universe, the trend toward spending millions to combat a climate problem the scientific community has yet to clearly identify or force girls to share bathrooms with scientifically defined males is just pure insanity. (Hey, if you want to dress and live like the opposite sex, more power to you. Don't force it on the rest of the world.) Not to undermine the courage (or savvy PR move) demonstrated by Bruce Jenner in sharing his identity struggles, but the reality is that gender is identified by the gametes your body is designed to produce, not by cosmetic changes or your physical appearance. Only certain fish and amphibians are able to change their gender. Not us lowly humans. Science is defined by proven fact, and science defines a female as one who produces ova and a male as one who produces sperm. No matter how you dress, you can't fool science. At least, not today.  Whatever idiot named Jenner "Woman of the Year" needs to head back to biology class.

LEGALIZED ANARCHY Once upon a time I studied criminal justice. I thought about pursuing a career in the FBI or as a lawyer. It has been a repeated source of stomach twisting for me to watch every level of our society accept blatant violation of our country's laws when it suits their personal agendas. We lionize law-breaking thugs like Michael Brown simply because of the color of the skin of the officer who was forced to shoot him. Political figures like Hilary Clinton violate federal law and our media brushes it off as unimportant. It has become socially acceptable for a child to lie about their age online so they can use social media services that are legally limited to 13+, AND PARENTS HELP THEM DO IT. (Tip: That's a form of fraud and is not only a violation of your user agreement but against the law.) People, for our society to function properly, we don't get to pick and choose which laws we'll enforce and which we'll ignore. Teaching our kids that it's okay to lie or break the law as long as we have a good reason is a very dangerous path to set them on.

REALITY TV POLITICS The party front-runners are no less than a pair of socially stunted reality TV divas. Both exhibit stunning levels of narcissism, a blatant disregard for the law, and tween-level social media presence amidst delusions of self-grandeur and their complete disconnection from the American populace. It seems like mud-slinging political tactics have moved from something that once surprised and offended the masses to common place and accepted in the reality-TV-obsessed world 2015 welcomed with open arms. Our own President engages in the childish, finger-pointing, polarizing rhetoric that has hobbled our society with hate and paranoia. It seems there is no issue, no group immune to the sound-bite-focused, financial-agenda-driven machines that seem to be running our country today. The media, once dependable as honest purveyors of factual news, are fully in the pocket of one corner or another, leaving the public guessing at the true qualifications of political candidates. Somehow, the opinions of pot-smoking kooks like Kanye West and Susan Sarandon matter more than those of anyone with a background in finance or political science. Our "Real Housewives" loving society, instead of rejecting it, seems to have accepted it as just another form of reality entertainment. Sigh.

IT'S ALL ABOUT ME Forgive me - I was raised in an era when "me first" was considered narcissistic and damaging to the future success of a civil society. (Just ask the Roman Empire.) I'm absolutely astounded that, at the culmination of the "Hope & Change" political era, our society has become more egocentric than ever before. Almost everyone of the trends above can be explained by this one simple fact: the wants of the individual now outweigh the needs of the many in our society. It has become socially acceptable to bully, insult and deride others whose opinions or needs are in direct conflict with your own. It's perfectly okay to stomp on entire groups of people if their existence doesn't jive with popular culture or the latest political or media-driven agenda. We cheer when the bad guy wins. What the hell is wrong with our society? This trend needs to die right away. We, as parents, needs to focus on teaching our kids empathy and compassion for others, and we need to do it fast.

Let's make 2016 the year we restore sanity to our world. My resolutions as a parent:

1. Teach my kid to follow the rules, even when we don't like them.
2. Teach my kid to think in terms of facts, science, and reality. Feelings, wishes and dreams do not define reality no matter how badly we want them to. Trying to bend reality against the laws of science is a futile act of absurdity.
3. Require civility and humility at all times.
4. Engage my kid in charity work to teach her compassion for others.
5. Punish bad behavior, and mean it. I want my child to learn that it's okay for a cop to enforce the law and that the best way to avoid being on the wrong end of that situation is to obey the law at all times, and that starts with following the rules at home.
6. Talk about it when celebrities and politicians act in ways unbecoming of a public figure. Suggest better ways to be a functioning member of society.
7. Minimize engagement in social trends. My kid has a phone but no front-facing camera. We don't own a selfie stick. 13+ social media sites are restricted on her devices.
8. Reward kindness and respect for others. ALL others.
9. Teach healthy disagreement. Just because we don't agree with someone doesn't give us the right to treat them badly. It also doesn't mean our opinions aren't valid, too. The world isn't black and white.
10. Minimize exposure to reality entertainment until she's old enough to understand the difference in entertainment and actual reality. (Yeah, that doesn't happen until around age 18.)