Why I Struggle with "She"

It seems like such a little thing, just a pronoun. The definition is simple, isn't it? A few years ago, maybe, but not any more. I'm a woman, a science geek, a writer and a huge champion of diversity. I believe in following the rules: not just the legislated kind, but even basic things like the MLA. (Bad grammar yanks me out of my reader's reverie like a bomb going off by my head.) These are all things that make the changes to the use of the word "she" extraordinarily difficult for me. The biggest factor of all: I'm the mother of a pre-teen girl.
     In the wake of major cultural tidal waves like the Bruce to Caitlyn transition, the word "she" has suddenly lost it's way. You see, the "I am Cait" star has stirred a PC whirlwind that demands we address the man formerly known as Bruce as a woman, which also demands we use the words "she" and "Ms." when referring to Jenner 2.0.

     Despite my dedication to diversity and treating the LGBT community like anyone else, this just doesn't feel right. Here's why: "She" means the subject you're discussing is a woman or girl. The question is, how do you define a "woman?" According to Oxford Dictionary, a "woman" is "an adult human female." Note that Oxford doesn't say a woman is defined by a pair of boobs, long hair and high-heeled shoes, or even a battery of supplemental hormones. It is not defined by which gender you choose to date or to whom you feel sexual attraction. A woman is an adult human FEMALE. Nothing more, nothing less.

     So, how do we define a "female?" Again, referring to Oxford, a female is "distinguished biologically by the production of gametes (ova) that can be fertilized by male gametes." (Male gametes are known as sperm.) The scientist side of me says, "this shouldn't be confusing." Gender reassignment surgery does a lot, but it doesn't make you female. Not today. No matter what is done to the physical appearance of genitalia, no surgery today is capable of causing a male body to create female gametes (ova).
     As a woman and a mother watching a pre-teen hit puberty, I'm almost offended that anyone would have the audacity to believe that what makes me a woman, or my beautiful daughter a future woman, is a hole between our legs and a couple of mounds of fat we hide under our bras. There is a right of passage to becoming a woman, even for those who don't end up able to reproduce. We all go through it. Puberty for men is waking up to find new smells emanating from strange places, increased muscle mass and hair where it never grew before. For us ladies, it's so much more than that.
     First, there's the hair and odors, sure. Then there's the slow growth of those breasts that Caitlyn obtained for a few dollars and a few hours under the knife. Getting your buds is a big deal for a girl. It signifies your initial transition to womanhood and signals your mom that it's time to have that discussion about an upcoming need to carry feminine products in your purse. Even more difficult - it's time to talk about how to use them. You suddenly become very conscious of how different you really are from the boys. It's much more than a question of who pees standing up or which clothing section you shop in.
     Then your monthly visitor makes it's first arrival. There's fear, there's pain, there's nausea and tears. You bloat and can't squeeze into your clothes. Your hair and skin seem to belong to someone else. Places that once were firm and toned soften, take on curves. You are clearly different from your male peers. You no longer feel okay about using a bathroom marked with the wrong symbol because, frankly, the thought of having to manage your feminine needs with a guy in the next stall is mortifying. You become closer to your girl friends who are going through the same transition and see boys in a new light. New feelings overtake your stomach, your arms, your legs, your soul.
     You develop new instincts, new insecurities and new desires. Something innate, scientifically driven by your body's production of ova and all the chemical and physical changes required to support that process, drives you toward the truth of womanhood. Emotions become more intense. You cry more. You want to raise a puppy, kitten, some tiny rodent. Your nurturing instincts drive you to learn to be a good mother by practicing with a pet, but you don't understand that just yet.
     Time progresses and more elements of the female right of passage to womanhood transpire.  You fall in love, you get hurt, you bounce back. You find that your body will never be what others demand, or even what you want. You learn how to depend on your girlfriends and your mom. Those female bonds become stronger and more important to you. You begin to experience the roadblocks that so many women encounter: at school, at work, everywhere in between. You learn to cope with the ups and downs of being a woman - of pushing through doors that are only open to men and closing those of yours that men try to force open.
    You see, being a woman isn't a title you obtain through something as simple as a surgery. I don't doubt that there are men out there who feel intensely like they are female. Scientifically speaking, though, there is a significant difference between how you feel and what you biologically are. Does that mean I don't think men have the right to buy a pair of breasts and a vagina, dress in women's clothes and identify themselves as a transgender? No, it doesn't.* We all have the right to live as we choose to live. However, I think more consideration needs to be given to the fact that forcing others to call you a "woman," "she" or "Ms." when you haven't earned it through that pre-teen right of passage may be inadvertently offensive to those who have, or who are going through it now. You see, by doing so, you're basically telling us that being a woman is simply a matter of a few outward physical traits and the type of clothes you wear, reducing us to the same sexist view we have battled for generations to overcome. To that, whether I want to or not, I take offense.
   Sorry, Caitlyn Jenner, I cannot in good conscience refer to you as "she" regardless of what you and the politically correct elite demand.
    *For those sure to attack me for my views, it's important to note that I have always been a supporter of equality for the LGBT community. However, when my kid does something that offends others, I stand against it and correct her out of love because EVERYONE deserves the same level of respect. This is one of those moments. As such, this has been one of the toughest pieces I've ever written.

Psst! There Really is NO "Weird Trick"

While there is a lot of great content on the internet, there's even more out there designed to trick you into visiting a web page you probably don't want to see. Generally, they're just ads disguised as news. Often these pages are so heavily laden with ads they'll barely load, all in hopes that you will accidentally click one or more of the ads so the page owner will get paid for your click. Some have more insidious intent, ranging from loading malware on your machine for malicious kicks to hijacking your data and possibly your identity. Some take control of your device and attempt to blackmail you into paying them to give it back. (Tip: don't pay. Ditch the device instead.)
     So, the next time you're browsing and you see "Sponsored Content" or a series of headlines that use these key phrases, avoid the temptation and JUST DON'T CLICK IT. Be sure and teach your kids how to identify fake headlines, too.

• What happened next will Make Your Jaw Drop/Surprise You/Shock You: This one is slightly true - you'll be absolutely shocked and surprised when your machine crashes and the tease photo has nothing to do with where you land.
• A Brilliant/Surprising Way to Pay Off Credit Cards/Mortgage/Debt: Yeah, these are inevitably ads for "credit counseling" services who will charge you massive fees and likely leave you worse off than you started. Want to get rid of debt? There are only two legal, effective options: 1) Pay more than your minimum balance each month and 2) file bankruptcy (requires you meet certain eligibility requirements).
• _________'s Tip has Banks/Mortgage Companies On Edge/Angry/Worried: This page will likely send you to a "story" that offers links to a "service" that will collect your personal financial/identity data. If you want to refinance your mortgage or debt, stick with a legal, insured, reputable financial organization and skip the internet "tips and tricks." Sadly, often the famous person quoted has no idea his or her name has been used in the ad.
• New Site Reveals All: These headlines normally prompt you to look yourself up. Naturally they will find data that is blatantly erroneous and/or your private information they've scraped from a poorly secured government site or other service that has your info. Guess what? They'll also offer to hide/protect/correct your information for a not-so-nominal endlessly recurring fee. Instead of paying that fee, email CSERVICE@USSEARCH.COM and let them know you'll be happy to participate in a class action lawsuit for violation of the privacy act if they don't stop publishing your private data immediately. (Yep, all those sites tie back to the same company. Shocker!) When they ask you for more information to remove you from their searches, don't provide anything they don't already obviously have.
• Drivers Feel Foolish or Don't Know This Simple Trick: Ad for an insurance quote from a questionable provider.
• How This <insert person or item> Is Disrupting <insert industry>: Just another ad disguised as news.
• <Insert #> Shocking/Interesting/Jaw Dropping/Never Seen Photos: Usually leads you to a slide show so rife with ads the pictures don't actually load. They're rarely anything new.

The short of it is, if the headline is seriously sensationalistic or too good to be true stories about "other people," it's likely a fake or an ad.

Please, Get Off My Screen Already!

There's media saturation, then there's just plain excess. These "stories" just really need to go away already. Maybe it's because they aren't really that interesting or they're just on our glowing screens way too often. Either way, they're all people, places or things that need to let go of their pixelated real-estate so something truly valuable can take their place. You've certainly exceeded your 15 minutes when even my all-things-flashy-loving pre-teen says, "What's the big deal about ____?"

In no particular order:

• Kim Kardashian's selfies. Seriously, when you've taken enough pictures of YOURSELF to fill a book, it's time to seek some help for your narcissistic personality disorder. Sadly, the profit machines in this country are highly dependent upon our obsession with all things vain and will continue to force-feed us images of the far-from-natural beauty who has nothing to contribute to our society beyond guidance on properly editing your photos to hide your flaws. Great job teaching future generations to appreciate themselves for who they really are.
• Mylie Cyrus' tongue. And breasts. Or any other part that's exposed with the intent to "shock" us. Madonna already did all of that. No one is shocked any more - just sad Hanna Montana has sunk so low that we have to eliminate her from our kids' lives. Let's face it, you're this year's Lohan. Which begs the further question: Disney Channel, why the heck are you bringing back Hannah Montana? What are moms supposed to tell their eight-year-olds when they ask why they can't go to her concert? At least first-run HM fans are old enough for her R-rated content now. But hey, let's introduce a whole new generation to Miley and sit back and laugh while their parents try to explain that painted boob!
• Donald Trump's opinions. We are not going to vote for you for President. Ever. Because you're nuts. Clear the road so someone truly qualified for the job actually has a running chance.
• Hilary Clinton. Ditto. Especially now that you've taken a selfie with Kim Kardashian. Your desperate cling to your old sense of power has simply become sad. Oh, and you're not the smartest woman in the country. Not even close. Smart women actually obey the law instead of concocting irritatingly dismissive excuses for breaking it. (Veiled reference to "I wasn't thinking about [it]" defense. Try THAT ONE the next time you get pulled over for running a stop sign.) Rather than pursuing another Presidential bid, you might consider straightening out your legal problems and keeping the interns away. Oh, and they have vitamins to help you out with that "not thinking" problem you have. Personally, I would like to believe the next leader of my country possesses sufficient mental acumen to follow security protocols designed to protect the lives of millions of my countrymen in the process of performing his or her duties.
• Caitlyn/Bruce Jenner. Whoever you are. Just because you had surgery doesn't make you a woman. Spend a week every month post-puberty lying in bed moaning in pain and bloated like a puffer fish and MAYBE we'll count you among our masses. Boobs and make-up do not make you female. Your interpretation of womanhood is actually a little insulting, to be honest and it's kind of sad you're getting so much attention from the media for doing something many have done before you, since 19-freaking-30. Then again, so does any other train wreck.
• Global warming. Guess what? Temperatures go up and down over hundreds of years. We're not even approaching historical peaks. Ice caps melt and refreeze on a fairly regular, centuries-long schedule. We're more likely to suffer from an ice age before melting ice caps become a real issue. Given the repeated droughts and lack of water so many communities suffer lately, the added atmospheric humidity (that stimulates rain) is probably a good thing. Let's face it, folks: Those pushing global warming as a serious issue are also key investors in environmental research companies. (That includes the ersatz environmentalist smoking ciggies in the White House's backyard.) They just need the rest of us to buy-in to secure their retirement plans, which will assuredly involve a gas guzzling Bentley and a home that burns enough fossil-fuel-generated power to light a small country.
• Kanye West. Dude, you're more nuts than Donald Trump. No sane person wants to hear your opinion, especially since it was clearly guided by a heavy dose of questionably legal "herbs." The only reason they put you on stage at awards ceremonies is because it's guaranteed to bump up ratings when you go off on another Mad Hatter-esque rant. You are no more qualified to run for President than my 11-year-old. Here's to hoping that little "announcement" was really just a teaser for your next artistic project. The world would certainly breathe a collective sigh of relief. On the flip side, his loved ones really should step in and get him help before he suffers a real meltdown.
• The Molestors. Josh and Jared should rent a room in the creepy-guy rehab hotel and leave the rest of us alone. Honestly, append any first name to "Duggar" and, frankly, we're already bored with you. Instead of documenting every little offense JD & JF have committed against family and religion, why don't we apply our attention toward helping the victims of these slimeball's crimes? FYI media mongrels: the occasional bad seed does not controvert the entire Christian doctrine, nor convict the entire community. There are hypocrites in every group. Stop pointing at him and any other nut-job claiming to be Christian then acting otherwise as proof the whole lot (85% of your countrymen) are bad.
• i-Anything. So 2000. Folks, even the third-place Windows phone is drastically better. You're just all too brain-washed by the clever fruit commercials to realize you're over-paying for a device made famous by a "Fart Machine" app. I'm still amazed the sheeple herd is willing to put their financial life on the same network for three of the top five data leaks in recent history. (Yes, that's where all those nude celeb selfies came from, and you're giving them your credit cards to "protect." Brilliant.)
• Deflate-gate. Really this wasn't big news to start with, but it's pretty #$%^& hilarious how the media has clung to the story. Especially after science has almost completely let the wind out of the whole conflict's balls. (Sorry, I had to.)
• Christine Ouzounian. Her only claim to fame is she may have slept with her boss, who happens to be famous. Why are we treating a shameless home-wrecker, (or wannabe, depending on which story you believe), like a celebrity? Christine, get in line. The world is riddled with "other women." You are not special and really, if you have no improvements to offer our society via your presence, should stop waving at the paparazzi and staging photo ops. (FYI - being pretty does not, in itself, improve our society.)
• Ferguson, MO. You all freaked out because a violent, strung-out gang-banger got himself shot by a white cop while doing stupid, illegal things that would get most of us shot, gun or no gun in hand. True, there may be a systemic issue between the community and the cops, but the continued focus on a bad seed who suffered the natural consequences of his poor choices just makes it look like someone's pushing for an extra five minutes of screen time rather than trying to effect real improvements. Let's shift our attention to the right issues and stop talking about "unarmed" Michael Brown a year+ later. Yes, it sucks that the police shoot people when they aren't armed, but the real problem is that the community has zero respect for them and there may or may not be a good reason why. Their designated martyr is certainly not that good reason, and may actually be reducing the effectiveness of the whole community's cry for help.