Tweens R Kids 2

It's hard to comprehend. At 5'4.5" and 110 lbs, my just-turned-twelve-year-old daughter is already beginning to resemble a super model. She has a smartphone glued to her hand and speaks in text. (Except in my house, where it isn't allowed. She'll need a real job some day, I'm sure.) She's been dancing for nine years so she has the kind of body people like me would die for but cannot obtain no matter how little we eat or how much we work out. Older teens and grown men fall all over themselves when she walks by. (Imagine Barbie with thicker honey-colored hair and a realistic hip-waist-bust ratio and you have my tween.) She eats an adult meal and half of my meal when we go out. She even stopped wearing her superman glasses in public and asked to get contacts.

    And last night she walked outside to take out the trash and howled at the full moon.

Tween wolf howl this past winter

    The taller and more mature she gets, it becomes easy to mistake her for an older teen. I mean, she looks like she's in high school (except in this picture, taken six months and 4 inches ago). But moments like last night remind me she really is still somewhat a kid. She may have some interest in PG-13 movies (pre-screened, of course) and blush a bit when she sees a cute boy her age, but she still watches Barbie movies and pretends to be a wolf sometimes.
   Parenting a tween is tough. This is that moment we lead them over the bridge from childhood to "I hate you, you're ruining my life!" (Teen years.) Some see the other side of that bridge and can't wait to get over it. She has a slightly older friend, about nine months, who prefers to spend a sleepover applying make-up to my moon-howling baby girl and taming that hot, beautiful mess of hair on her head until she resembles Giselle Bundchen. I find that highly disturbing, as apparently every male human in Kroger did, too. She likes the attention, loves to feel pretty, but would rather spend her free time playing with her Disney Infinity characters on the Xbox.
    As her mom, the best thing I can do right now is let her be a kid. She'll give those things up when she's ready as long as I don't pressure her, even if her friends do. During this time, I am carefully gauging where she is on more adult topics. Thankfully, the worst one (adult relations) is still of no interest to her given she buries her head every time Bella and Edward, or even Cinderella and Prince Charming kiss. We fast forward through the PG-13 scenes because "they're too gross."
    As most of the old men who hit on me say, age is just a number. It never works, but it is true when it comes to kids. Sure, there are certain milestones you need to watch to make sure your child is developing properly physically, mentally, and emotionally, but no milestone is set in stone. While some kids put away toys and animated entertainment as early as ten, others will still enjoy those things well into their junior high lives. This happens more often with only children who don't have the pressure of an older sibling driving them to mature too quickly. (Parents, don't be that sibling.)
    For now, after the make-up and fancy dress up day at her BFF's, I'm letting out a long sigh of relief that my baby girl still howls at the moon.

FactCheck.org SNAFU's RNC Speeches

As a neutral observer, FactCheck.org's article covering the RNC speeches last night seems to do a lot of mincing of words in efforts to call out the speakers on fact-twisting, but presents thin, naïve arguments at best. Let's take their refute on machine speeches about Benghazi: The marines on the ground, whether an official order was issued or not, likely were given a temporary stand-down while the "seniors deliberated" whether or not to go in. Whether the words "wait" or "stand-down" were used, to a marine, this is telling him not to do his job when he feels it's necessary and is going to be the equivalent of "stand down soldier, let the eggheads think about it before you do what you were trained to do." Regardless of perceptions, the findings of an official panel that there was "no evidence" does not equate to "it didn't happen." It simply means there is insufficient proof to move forward with legal proceedings. Only those who were actually there can say what really happened, and we all know someone in this equation isn't telling the truth since accounts are conflicting at best. FactCheck.org - I'd let this one go or you risk looking biased given so many people on the ground continue to dispute the "official" findings.

   I'm no fan of Giuliani, but the "facts" this writing team used to support their dismissal of Giuliani's crime record actually support his claims. They state that NY experienced a 16% higher crime reduction rate than the national average during his time in office. When you also factor in higher rates of immigration and race relation problems that have long plagued NY, this is quite an accomplishment, regardless of whether or not there was a decline in crime rates across the US. What the writers also leave out is any indication of whether or not additional programs, funding, etc in NY were initiated by Giuliani that may have been at play during that time. Either way, the sheer numbers support his claims, again giving the impression of naiveté or bias.

  Many people see the "path to legal citizenship" as equivalent to opening the country's borders. This is because so many Americans feel they have been displaced from their jobs by illegal immigrants who can work cheaper because they pay no taxes. I'm personally on the fence about legalizing illegals. On the one hand, it seems most are simply hardworking people hoping to find a better life and should be given the opportunity to become US citizens. On the other hand, they have broken the law and benefitted in ways that have hurt legal American citizens who can't compete with their low rates in service jobs and who pay taxes which benefit these undocumented workers' families through free school and medical care that they haven't contributed toward. It's a tough call, but I can see where the RNC speakers' positions on Clinton's immigration record equates to "open borders." What good are increased border protections if you are going to reward those who sneak through for their violation of immigration law? That will simply encourage more to attempt to get in illegally. However, if you ship all illegals back home and encourage them to seek legal entry, you take away the incentive to break the law in the first place and hopefully reduce the need for border patrols. It's simple psychology and logic.

  Finally, the wage and jobless perception. This article fails to address whether or not the claim that immigrants are taking the jobs. (I don't know the answer, though I can say the bulk of new hires at the high tech consulting company I work with are on visas and most of the day workers around here weren't born in this country.) Inflation rates have been wildly unpredictable and "real wage" calculations focus only on hourly wages and minimum wages, though most modern middle income earners and above have shifted to salaried models, which actually dilutes the amount earned hourly since actual working hours aren't tracked for salaried employees. According to Pew Research, as of 2014, the real wage of ALL Americans has barely shifted since the 1960s, and still remains lower than it was in the 1970s. In addition, most studies fail to account for the increased cost of living brought on for 80% of wage earners in the form of healthcare. ACA may have opened the door to healthcare for that 20% of Americans that didn't have it at all, but it did so by effecting a dramatic increase in premiums for the 80% who already had insurance. I personally went from a $0 premium to almost $400 per month for myself and one child. For most Americans, that is a major impact on "real wages" that most studies do not accommodate. It is also not factored into the inflation rate as healthcare premiums are not driven by supply/demand like consumer goods.

Teaching Love in Election Season

You can open almost any US-based social feed these days and crack open a world of conflict.

Democrats hate Republicans and vice versa. Conservatives hate Liberals and Liberals accuse all Conservatives of being idiots. It seems most strongly dislike both likely Presidential candidates. On every side, no one trusts Donald Trump nor Hilary Clinton. It's a year of voting against one candidate, not for the other.
    One common thread running through it all: everyone hates everyone else who doesn't think like them."If you're not on my side, you're a brain-washed moron or a liar." "If you don't think like me, you're not thinking for yourself."
    Wait - WHAT?
    The reality is, when it comes to religion and politics, no one seems capable of thinking for themselves. The same goes for the accusations of racism flying through our country today. If you dig deep enough, you may even find our wonderful, self-serving media and the politicians themselves are driving all this divisiveness. By keeping us pitted against each other, we fail to point a critical eye at those who are driving all that anger and so they manage to stay in power.
    As a parent, I want my daughter to grow up treating others as human beings with individual thoughts and feelings, and above all else, I want her to learn to think for herself. This seems almost impossible with the constant blast of rhetoric and drama that seems to pervade almost every form of communication lately. We're still four months out...
    What can we do to ensure the hate doesn't bleed into our kids? First of all, don't expose younger children (under 13) to political "talk" shows and "news" shows. The last thing they need soaking into their impressionable little brains is all that negativity. Children that age shouldn't have social media access anyway, but if they do, now might be a good time to take a break. Now through, say, mid-November.
    With teens, it's a good time to start talking about the political system. Teach them NOT to buy into the rhetoric. Teach them how to research a candidate's voting history (if available), background, and where they stand on platforms that are important to your teen (not you). Avoid stereotyping a candidate based on race, gender, age, political party, religion...you get the drift. Have intelligent conversations with your teen - ask your teen where s/he stands on certain platforms and why.  If needed, explain what some of those platforms mean.
     Whatever you do, DON'T repeat hate speak in front of your child or teen. Don't agree with any you hear. By doing so, you are dooming your progeny to a life of manipulation and narrow-mindedness that will absolutely limit your child's opportunities in life. What your child needs from you is to learn how to THINK, not how to mimic, repeat or buy into party lines. Teach your child to ask one simple question, "why should I believe that?"
    If you find your child is repeating some of the garbage you hear out there in the political world, put a stop to it immediately.
    Use this election year as an opportunity to teach your youngsters love and logic. Teach your child that people can't be easily classified into buckets - that each individual is far more than the candidate he or she votes for or the political party with which he's associated. And for Heaven's sake, teach your kids they CAN be friends with people who have opinions that differ from their own.

Is the Press Racist?

I was stunned skimming through the top headlines today. Not by just all the carnage and tragedy this world is suffering, but at how low the Associated Press (@AP) has sunk to garner clicks and continue to stir the pot of racism in this country. The same applies to many of the other media venues out there.
    I can't be the only person who has noticed this trend. Two headlines, two fallen to police bullets. Look at the difference and decide for yourself.




AP Headline labels Alton Sterling "black man"




NY Daily News Headline lists white Dylan Noble by name

    I find this trend appalling. Not only does this habit of the nationwide press marginalize Black Americans by treating them as a bucket labeled "black man," but it continues to expand the racial divide by treating whites as individual humans with names and faces.
    Both of these men resisted arrest. Both were shot by police IN THE SAME WEEK. One white, one black. Dylan Noble, the white man, is continually referenced in headlines by his name. Not his race, not his religion, not anything but his name. Meanwhile, the press insists upon referring to Alton Sterling as "black man shot by police." He doesn't have a name or a face according to the press. Why? Do they see him as less human than Dylan Noble? Is it more important to incite the Black Lives Matter movement by reminding him he was a person of color than to refer to him as an individual, a human, an American just like Dylan Noble?
    I don't get it, but I do. In their pursuit of advertising clicks and retweets, the AP reporters have lost sight of the humanity behind their headlines. That makes me sad, and a little bit angry. Maybe next, the Black Lives Matter movement should pressure the media to start referring to black Americans by their names so we, as a country, stop labeling people as black, white or anything in between and start seeing each other as simply people.

Dear Newt Gingrich,

Your response to the tragic terrorist attack in Nice, France last night stinks of discrimination and McCarthyism. It is no different than saying all Blacks & Hispanics are suspect until proven innocent simply because those races participate in gang membership more than other races. It is also no different than saying all Catholic men are suspect because some priests committed heinous crimes against children. Most US mass shootings are committed by white American men claiming to be Christians. Should we interview every Christian white male in the US to see if he is a racist nutball?
    Let's face it, if an ISIS sympathizer wants to do damage, s/he is not going to TELL an interviewer that s/he is here to do damage, nor is s/he going to admit they support Shariah Law. It is idiotic to even suggest we can weed terrorists out by interviewing all Muslims. Given our government is already at 100% debt-to-income ratio, how do you propose you pay for this massive law enforcement and immigration effort? The right answer here is simply to continue efforts to identify the extremists via their behaviors, associations and participation in social media targeting that audience. The moment we begin antagonizing or targeting Muslims in this country simply due to a loose religious association, we topple the freedom the extremists so despise and accomplish their task for them.

Regards,

A Sane American

Ensuring Safe Travels

Last month a toddler was killed by an alligator at Walt Disney World. This was a horrible tragedy and the stuff of every parent's worst nightmares. Disney, I'm sure, will pay out a large settlement to the affected family and for a short time, the whole world is painfully aware of at least one of the dangers that lurk in Florida's waters. More than likely, WDW employees are hard at work erecting gator warning signs around the many lakes and ponds in the area in the hopes to keep future visitors safe. Months and years from now, people will ignore those signs.
     The reality is, we as parents traveling with children, shouldn't rely on other people or warning signs at our intended destination to keep us safe. In the end, our own safety and that of our children, is our own responsibility. It astounds me that American travelers have become so, well, lazy, that we don't do ANY research about our destination before we drag our kids there. We simply assume that, because it's a resort or popular tourist attraction, it is a safe place.
     That is dumb and dangerous.
     Before you take your kids somewhere, or yourself for that matter, you should at a bare minimum go online and find the answers to the following questions:

• What type of crimes are common in the area?
• Are there many kidnappings?
• Robberies?
• Murders?
• Does any member of my family fit the profile of those most commonly targeted for that type of crime?
• Is it safe to walk around the area or should we stick to guided tours?
• What kind of safety hazards exist where I'll be traveling?
• Are there heavy undertows or heavy currents in natural water bodies where people swim?
• Are there steep cliffs or sudden drop offs near areas we'll be visiting?
• Are there any poisonous plants or recent spills in the area?
• Is the area known for toxic molds or allergens that affect any of my family members?
• Is the area home to predatory animals?
• Where do they hunt and when?
• How are they best avoided?
• How should we react to them if encountered?
• What type of insects are common in the area?
• Are they poisonous?
• Do they transmit diseases?
• Where are they most commonly found? (Beds, wood piles, foliage, flying around?)
• How do you avoid getting bitten or stung?
• Is transportation safe?
• What are accident histories?
• What are the applicable laws (I.e. for driving a car, golf cart, bicycle, etc.)
• Should we keep "bribe" money in our identification folios? (Yes, some places that's necessary to avoid arrest during a traffic stop since local law enforcement may target travelers.)
• What activities will we be participating in?
• Do they require certification or pre-training?
• Do we have the right clothing and shoes?
• Does long hair need to be contained or jewelry removed? (I.e. if you're snorkeling with sparkling earrings a barracuda may remove your ear.)
• What's the accident history involving those activities?
• What food safety issues may exist?
• Can you drink tap water?
• Are fresh fruits and vegetables safe to consume?
• Are there known issues with other raw foods? Undercooked foods?
• Are food allergens commonly used in prepared foods?
• What is the local language & where do you find help in your own language?
• Bring a translation app that you've tested with native accents if possible.
• What is the political atmosphere?
• In light of recent events around the globe, it's best to avoid large crowds and know where terrorists or other political action can put your family at risk.

     Especially when traveling outside the USA, the regulations are more likely to be far more relaxed than safety laws and age limitations here in the states. Sometimes they're more restrictive. You should never make the dangerous assumption that the rules you're used to at home apply elsewhere, even from state to state. You should also never assume that just because a place or activity is open to young tourists that it is safe for your kids. In general, just make sure you know what dangers exist at your destination and how to avoid them. If you can't avoid them, be well-rehearsed on what to do in an emergency.
     Here's an example of how my friend and I prepared for our recent trip to Ambergris Caye, Belize:

• We reviewed the CDC's travel alerts and recommended immunizations for the area we were visiting.
• We reviewed Zika safety recommendations by the CDC and coached our girls on constant use of insect repellent, even while indoors. I taught my daughter to blow on a biting mosquito to remove it, avoiding forcing it's stomach contents back into your skin.
• We reviewed the safety records for the private airline and ferry boats we considered using.
• We read other traveler's reviews of the resort and common tourist attractions/activities.
• We read local news stories to assess known crime problems and potential safety issues.
• We read about local wild life. There are some snakes, including poisonous ones, so we coached the girls on identifying and avoiding them. (We have more poisonous snakes at home in Texas.)
• We researched the island and learned that the Caribbean reef sharks that habitat the area stay outside the reef that surrounds the island, though small barracuda are commonly seen in the deeper waters around the island.
• We coached our girls on staying together at all times, staying out of the ocean after dusk, and leaving the shiny baubles behind when in the water.
• We previewed restaurant menus to ensure there were foods we could eat.
• We asked others we knew who'd been there previously about what we should and shouldn't do.
• We practiced snorkeling in a safe place before heading out on a tour.
• We discussed snorkeling through currents and how to clear your snorkel without panicking.
• We planned indoor activities at the resort for after dark.

     In the end, the safety of your family is YOUR responsibility. Remember that, and take it seriously, even before you visit Disney World.

Cultivating Hate in America

The events of the last 3 days have been tragic and horrific. Alton Sterling is shot in public while armed and resisting arrest, though the gun was still in his pocket. Then a perfectly innocent Philando Castile fell victim to a nervous, young Hispanic traffic officer who clearly didn't know how to handle a licensed gun owner during a routine traffic stop.
     While it is questionable whether or not the shooting of Sterling was justified, (it's impossible to tell by the videos available to the public), it is CLEAR the death of Castile was the result of heightened racial tensions between the black community and law enforcement. Obama was quick to throw our justice system under the bus from his safe place in Poland. Celebrities and nearly every media outlet who could jumped on the Black Lives Matter bandwagon, pointing their fingers at "racial inequality" within law enforcement.
     That begs the question: do statistics support this claim, or are our politicians and reporters race baiting to gain votes and clicks?
     Sadly, the numbers, which the media and White House are loathe to share though happy to twist to their agenda, support the latter. The state of racial tensions in our country are largely manufactured by those who stand to gain by creating a "victim class." The short of it is, Black America, you're being manipulated for profit. It makes me sick.
     I spent the better part of the time I should've been sleeping last night researching. Here's what I found:

• 506 citizens have been fatally shot by police this year.
• 24% (123) were Black.
• An estimated 15% are Hispanic (also tracked as white or not at all)
• An average 2% are Asian or other races.
• That leaves roughly 59% of fatalities via police shooting of white or undefined race

The media version: "A disproportionate number of blacks are shot by police." True, if you look only at the percent of black fatalities vs. population mix. (See chart below, taken from US Census and Washington Post Police Shooting Fatality data.) In that case, it seems blacks shot are 9% more than the 13% they represent of the U.S. Population.

Reference Wa. Post Police Fatal Shootings & US Census Data

But these numbers are misleading, and here's why. According to the FBI's US Crime statistics, blacks are responsible for approximately 28% of crimes committed in the US, which is the more accurate indicator of the actual number of encounters with police. (This is ALL forms of crime, from traffic stops to murder.) In other words, the percentage of people shot by race should be compared to the actual numbers who interact with the police, not the population as a whole. This tells a completely different story:

Reference Wa. Post Police Fatal Shootings Data & FBI Crime Statistics

     These statistics indicate that a white/mixed or Asian suspect is more likely to be fatally shot during an encounter with police than a black or Hispanic suspect. So why the HELL do the media and our country's leadership insist upon only reporting when a black person is shot by police? The numbers show that 1) more whites have been shot than any other race, the proportions mostly align with the rate of crimes committed by race, and 3) that the cops doing the shooting are of varying races, not just white. (See http://wpo.st/Esok1 detailing the Washington Post's findings as they collect 2016 data.)

     It's clear this is an intentional, calculated abuse of the black community not by law enforcement, but by politicians and media who gain votes and profits by keeping the black community in a tizzy over a non-existent problem. Now, this does not dismiss the fact that .06% of police shootings are unjustified, but despite what the media would have us believe, the prosecution of police officers who commit unjustified shootings is on the rise while the percentage of blacks who fall victim to police shootings is half what it was 20 years ago, and on the downward trend, even while the number of police-caused fatalities is on the rise for 2016.

     What I don't understand is why these two critical groups: our media and our government, claim to support "Black Lives Matter" yet continue to incite more hate and violence through their deception. Why continue to pit black against white when it only serves to hurt everyone? Why pit the black community against law enforcement when the clear problem is poverty and lack of education that impacts more blacks proportionately than any other group in our population? No matter how you look at it, the events this week are largely due to the irresponsible, self-serving and deceptive practices of those we trust to inform and lead us.

     People died this week because politicians think they need to keep blacks in America angry to get their votes and because the media makes a profit when black people feel victimized. If they really believed Black Lives Matter, they'd stop fanning the flames of hate with their twisting of the facts and selective reporting and would focus more attention on helping black Americans get an education, find good jobs and end the culture of crime and violence that exists in the pockets of gang-terrorized communities primarily populated by black and Hispanics. The more the media and our leadership prod this us vs. them crap, the more people will develop an irrational fear of "them" and more innocent people will die for no reason.

    It's time to put a stop to the brain-washing and demand our leadership and media take responsibility for their wrongs against the American people.

The Culture of Fear

Shoot first, ask questions later. Even Obama thinks it's okay to stand up and blame the police for what is clearly a growing cultural and social problem in the US. Great job, fearless leader. You've got the nut jobs all worked up and now four innocent police officers in Dallas are dead because you claim law enforcement across the country is biased and needs to improve. What do the idiots in our society do? A life for a life, even when the lives taken in retribution are far removed from the original events. (What on God's green earth could possibly lead anyone to believe that four officers in Dallas are in any shape or form to blame for the deaths of men in Louisiana and Minnesota?)
     I can't be the only intelligent person out there looking at this situation from the outside and seeing a root cause that lies in the increasingly violent culture that breeds distrust, fear and hate in our communities and a government and press far too willing to capitalize on the fears of those living in the middle of it? Seriously, I can't be the only one seeing this.
     Sure, there are probably a few biased white cops out there with real racism issues that need to be handled. But let's face reality, folks. Black men aren't getting shot because the police are all racist. This is happening because a chunk of the African American community in this country has adopted an anti-social attitude toward law and law enforcement. Guns are a big part of that culture and threats of violence and glamourizing shooting the po-po is a common theme of everything from YouTube videos to a significant number of rap songs. This culture has bred an entire generation of morons (of every color) who think it's okay to not only be disrespectful of authority but to actively engage in violence toward law enforcement.
     No, this isn't the entire Black community. It's also not the entire Hispanic community. But sadly, a large portion of the morons living the over-glamourized "gangsta life" are people of color - brown or black. If someone is going to take potshots at police with an automatic weapon, it's most often someone of color. (I hail partly from that brown portion of the community, myself, so let's stay the "white racist" comments up front.) Then we take young, under-trained cops, put them on the streets, and expect them to do their jobs every day without developing a healthy fear for their lives despite the constant threat of violence from an entire sub-community of anti-social lunatics who believe its their birth right to do as they please, no matter who gets hurt in the process. For some of these police, the antagonism and violence is such a constant the fear becomes unhealthy. The police are outnumbered and outgunned, but still manage to get through most days without shooting the majority of violent offenders they encounter on an increasingly regular basis. But then an over-sized black man with a gun in his pocket resists arrest and all hell breaks loose.
     According to a certain vocal group within American society, becoming a police officer automatically renders your life invalid. So what if you face constant mortal danger and daily harassment so you can protect and serve communities that hate you simply because your skin color is different and you wear a badge? (Don't fool yourself into believing that form of racism doesn't exist in this country.) So what if you have a family and a life outside your law enforcement job to worry about? According to this group, wearing the badge means you no longer have the right to defend yourself from the drug-addled and hate-filled "gansta's" out there who have no respect for the rest of society or anyone else's lives. According to this group, you must wait until a perp has pulled a weapon and pointed it at your head before pulling the trigger (or even un-holstering your weapon), and you have no right to feel the fear or any sense of self-preservation a normal person might experience when facing a tense situation. Just because people of color shoot at you or threaten you on a regular basis doesn't mean it's okay to feel afraid. Right?
     Only, police happen to be humans, too. And the basest instinct we have (and happen to share with most animals) is the need to survive. Fight or flight. Thanks to the pioneering efforts of the anti-social, law-breaking sub-culture that pervades many of the lower income communities, that instinct is constantly tested among members of the law enforcement community.
     This rise in police shootings is the natural outcome of a hate-infused society that sees law enforcement as the enemy. The Black Lives Matter movement - that portion that thrives on racism and hate - only exacerbates the problem by encouraging more hate toward police officers rather than educating people to remember police officers are individuals and humans, too. More hate + more violence = more fear. And our leadership - from state & local government to the White House itself, is handling this about as ineptly as humanly possible. Obama, buddy, the blood of those officers is on your hands. Why? Because in your rush to appease the Black Lives Matter protestors, you failed to remind people that we're all human, regardless of the color of our skin, and that police officers are just humans with fears and foibles, too.
     The ONLY way to fix this problem is to fix the erroneous perceptions in our society and reduce the amount of violent crime putting officers in harm's way. It sucks that good men like Philando Castile have to die simply because a police officer is afraid of the black men he's sworn to protect. (It's obvious from Diamond Reynold's video that officer was terrified and totally freaked out simply because he incorrectly thought Castile was going to pull his gun.) However, this could stop if Americans would make a change by ending the tolerance of illegal and violent behavior in our communities. We need to stop acting like it's okay to disrespect and fight with law enforcement. We need to start telling our kids that breaking the law leads to severe consequences and stop pitting whites against blacks and blacks against police. We need to stop glamourizing the thug life and "gangsta" culture. The problem in America today is less racism than irrational but justifiable fear, and until our leadership and communities stand up and make an effort to start getting along and raising our kids to be productive, law-abiding citizens instead of criminals, this problem is only going to get worse.
     There is no excuse for shooting an innocent person under any circumstance, but we've created an atmosphere in our society where even law enforcement lives in constant fear and the deaths this week are the natural outcome of a violent culture. The shooting in Dallas just underscores WHY police officers are afraid. Thanks to our irresponsible press and misguided politicians, every time a black person dies at the hand of a cop, someone declares open season on police nationwide. More people will die and the vicious cycle will continue because every a-hole with a press pass will bait the hate.
     America - you want to stop the violence? Then stop the violence! Support punishment of crime and let the justice system work. Stop enabling violent offenders by hiding in a corner and keeping your mouths shut when you see them breaking the law. Stop screaming racism and blaming law enforcement when cousin Mikey justifiably gets arrested for breaking the law. Quit supporting this insane, idiotic violent culture that pervades our low income neighborhoods. And for Heaven's sakes, remember police are humans, too. They make mistakes and often pay for them in ways we never see on the 6 o'clock news. Fix the problem in our communities and, for the most part, the irrational fear that leads to police shootings will eventually correct itself.
    

Vacation's Hidden Costs

As a single mom, planning a #vacation is always an intricate dance of timing and financial gymnastics. The one thing I've learned over the years is that there is a LOT more to planning my vacation expenses than just airfare, hotel and food. Here are few things you should consider into your vacation budget, no matter where you go or how you book:

• Have pets? In-house pet-sitting starts about $5 per visit, 3 times per day. If you board, you can expect to spend $200+ for the average 2-pet household. Don't forget you need to tip that pet-sitter and leave emergency funds behind, just in case.
• Ground transportation: $25-50 one-way average. (Uber can bring the price down but is less predictable than pre-booked taxis, limos and shuttles.) Before you go, find out if your destination hotel or resort offers free or discounted transportation.
• Airport parking - factor in at least $9-$10 per day if you plan to drive yourself and leave your vehicle near the airport. I'm a fan of Parking Spot myself, and never forget the tip for the bus drivers each way. ($2-$5 depending on the number of bags your driver loads/unloads for you.)
• International acknowledgment letter - I'm a single parent, which means each time I leave the country, I or my ex- gets to drop $10+ on the notary fee for that letter that says he knows about the trip and approves of my taking the squirt out of the country.
• Tour packages: unless you're at an all-inclusive resort, chances are you're going to want to book some of the fun activities available at your destination. Plan $50 to $150 per person per activity on average. Doesn't include tips, which should be 10-20% for your tour guide(s).
• Snacks - with today's TSA rules, it's hard to bring snacks with you on your trip. I usually drop about $30-$50 on snacks and drinks for my daughter and myself on a 5-day trip. (Includes that morning coffee and midday bottles of water.)
• Meals: unless your trip includes a pre-paid dining package, you can expect to spend an average of $25 per person per meal at most popular destinations, and that's being conservative. Finer dining options will easily run $40-50 per plate at some locations.
• Overweight luggage: $75. I swear that big bag weighed 35 lbs when we left. On the way back it's inevitably 52 lbs, unless I remember to check an extra suitcase for all the crap we seem to accumulate while we're away, including sand and wet swimsuits, which add to your bag's weight.
• Souvenirs: $15-50 per person. Yeah, that's where they get ya. Add a tiny "Belize" t-shirt to a typical $3 stuffed bear and suddenly it's worth $25. Right?
• Hotel/Resort staff tips. $5 for the housekeeper. (Once) $2-$5 for the porter. Room service, concierge...need I go on?
• Lost luggage: $200. Yep. My luggage got lost on it's way to Belize. Toothpaste, toothbrushes & deodorant alone were $25. Sunscreen & bug repellant $8 each. A simple pair of shorts: $25. A new swimsuit: $45. My daughter and I shared a suitcase so multiply all that by 2. Sure, the airline will reimburse us, but for now I'm out $200 I hadn't planned to spend.
• Getting around: in Belize, we rented a golf cart for $65 for 4 hours. Water taxis were $8/person each way. Say you want to leave Disney World and visit Universal or Sea World in Orlando for a day? Plan on spending up to $50 if you hadn't already rented a car.
• Entertainment is rarely part of the package. Adult beverages are inevitably more expensive when traveling ($10+ during happy hour) and chances are you're going to want to rent a movie or splurge on a wifi connection during some down time. Don't forget to factor those costs in.
• Baby sitting. Planning some grown up time while on vacation? Expect to pay higher than home rates for childcare. $15/hr average)

The short of it is, take whatever you plan to spend for a 5-day vacation and add $1000 to be sure you're covered for all those "surprise" costs associated with spending time away from home.

I Belize It!

My long-time bestie couldn't help herself. "Last night I dreamt of San Pedro..." was stuck in her head and on her lips as we perused the options listed under Southwest Vacations. Summer is the busy season for her husband so her dream of visiting Belize would have to be a girls' trip to become reality.
    Belize? Just moms and daughters? I'm in!


X'tan Ha

    Southwest Vacations' site offered us plenty of resorts to choose from, ranging from 2 to 5 stars. Most of the 5-star resorts looked pretty much like any other place you'd find along a beach and were priced like a night at Disney World. We dropped that fifth star from our search and this cute little place 2 miles north of San Pedro on Ambergris Caye popped up. X'tan Ha. ("igckshtan - HA". Yeah, good luck with pronouncing that!)
     Booking was tough. Although most of the rooms feature a queen and a double-futon, Southwest Vacations would only let us book 2 per room. (You can call the resort directly and book up to 4.) The price was amazing, though. $750/per person with airfare on SWA for 5 days. With that kind of price, we took the chance on this not-so-well-known resort and jumped in with both feet.    We couldn't quite decide whether to take the water ferry, Tropic Air or Maya Island Air from Belize International to San Pedro. We called Sandy Point Resorts and a sweet lady named Priscilla happily took care of our transportation from airport to X'tan Ha and back, all for the same prices Southwest Vacations had offered. Our reservations included Tropic Air and Sandy Point's water taxi. Note to self: Hair should be secured firmly to head when traveling to/from resorts on Ambergris Caye. I recommend corn rows or a solid French braid if you've got long, wild, curly hair like me and my child. However, the loose hair made for some great photos. I digress.
     Getting there was an adventure. My friend and I are both big planners, so we read everything we could prior to our departure date. We prepped our passports and packed lots of 110 spf sunscreen and bug spray. We read all the travel rules and made sure we had everything in order. Naturally, Southwest Vacations failed to connect the passport numbers we entered to our flight information so our early bird boarding option was a waste of money. (You can't obtain the boarding position on an international flight until that passport number is logged.) No worries. I know which rows to sit in on SWA's Boeing 737's to ensure early drink service during my flight. We got to the airport almost 3 hours early, as recommended by TSA for international travel, checked our big bags (no more than 30" x 15" by 17" and under 50lbs per the hopper flight rules), and grabbed a leisurely lunch. We were just about to sit down for a quick beverage 30 minutes before our boarding time when the Southwest gate agent called our names.
     Turns out SWA REQUIRES a notarized letter from the other parent when one parent travels internationally with a child to Belize. Yeah, all the websites said it was "recommended," but not required. So of course the gate agent rudely chastised us for not looking in the right website (their pro-only accessible site) and promised we would not board without the letters. Emergency phone calls and dad runs to local banks for a notary ensued. A really awesome Houston Hobby employee printed the photos of the notarized letters and with 5 minutes to spare we were approved to board our flights. Whew! Disaster averted.
    An easy 2 hours and a Bacardi & Coke later we were in Belize and standing in line to show our docs to immigration. (Use the bathroom here - those guys are SLOW.) Guess what? No one asked for the notarized letters we'd so painfully obtained minutes before our flight. Shocking!
    We headed to baggage claim (only 2 carousels in Belize), and waited. And waited. And waited. Nothing. All four of our bags never arrived. We rushed to the Southwest baggage counter and each filed an incident, which they naturally filed under my 12-year-old daughter's name rather than mine. This process easily took 30-40 minutes. When we were done, SW shut down their baggage counter and the place emptied. There's only one flight per day and we were between the counter reps and their next jobs apparently. 

The Tropic Air Cessna

    We missed our booked Tropic Air flight. No biggie. Apparently booking times are more of a guideline than a solid reservation in Belize. Tropic Air quickly moved our flight time when we finally made it through the customs line to their "gate." Although the tiny airline caused us some baggage pain later, my daughter was ecstatic to be randomly selected to fly "co-pilot" on our way back to the mainland at the end of our trip. The planes are modern and well maintained and both our pilots were highly skilled - a rare thing with many small private airlines like this one.
    Snafu #3. My ears were still clogged from the flight so I used my credit union Visa card to buy some Vick's Vapo Rub (options are severely limited), snacks and sodas as we waited for our hopper flight. B-U-T T-Mobile hadn't quite figured out I was out of country yet, so when that fraud check call came in, I didn't get it. Oops. Good thing I brought cash because my bank locked the one piece of plastic I'd brought with me. Regardless, the Tropic Air flight to San Pedro was quick - just a few minutes - but not exactly commercial air. You have to hold your carry-on and at 5'3" and 130lbs, I barely fit in the seat with my backpack. Granted, I'd stuffed my photography equipment bag into my computer backpack, so that wasn't a great idea. You can use your electronics on the hopper flight and it's a great time to take pics of the coastline, so plan ahead.
    When you arrive at San Pedro, it's about 2 blocks to the Sandy Point pier where you can catch their complimentary water taxi. Take the mini-van. The walk may be short, but traffic is insane (literally) and the streets aren't exactly US quality. There are few sidewalks. The mini-van (taxi) will get you there in under 5 minutes. At the dock, we shared our lost luggage story with the Sandy Point transportation manager and he kindly walked us through San Pedro to a nearby grocery store where we bought basic toiletries for about $25 USD. Options are limited. It's an island. Remember that when you pack.
    The water taxi is fun, but fast, hot and wet. Do not wear your best clothes and bring a good attitude. You can frown your way through the lack of American comforts or do like we did and enjoy the adventure of it all.  There is a "cabin" on the boat, but you're not likely to enjoy it's protection since passengers packed in the nose makes the ride rough. Not to mention if you do end up inside the cabin, the odor of gasoline may turn your stomach a bit until the boat reaches full speed.
    We finally arrived at X'tan Ha around 6:30 PM. They met us with some fresh fruit punch (spiked if you like) and amazingly friendly staff. Radiance, the best hotel concierge/hostess EVER, gave us a quick rundown of what happens next and got us checked in. We ditched our carry-ons in our AWESOME villas, freshened up and walked the whole 15 or 20 steps to the Temple Run Tavern for some much-needed dinner around 7:30 PM.

    This is where the wow factor really kicked in. Jeffrey, the trainee who comes across like a manager, gave us the 5-star VIP treatment despite our ragged appearance. (Yeah, our hair brushes were in those lost bags.) He kept my water glass full, which was a feat in itself, and tag-teamed well with our wonderful waiter, Eddie. While the rest of the staff at Temple Run Tavern were outstanding, Eddie made our trip truly special. Nothing on the menu was set in stone according to Eddie and I've yet to meet a friendlier, more helpful restaurant employee anywhere else in the world. The ambiance was far better than the resort's web site implies, with the free-roaming flies and mosquitos the only drawback. (Yes, our Cutter was in the lost luggage, too.) While the insects were a mild distraction, the amazing food and superior service was more than enough to make us forget about them.
    After dinner, we settled into our villas for a quick card game and a taste of the incredible Belizean coffee we found in our well-appointed kitchens. (Tip: bring your own creamer and sugar - they're hard to come by in Belize.) The kitchen featured bottled water and modern, American-made appliances including a coffee maker, toaster, microwave, glass-top stove, dishes and pans. While staring longingly at the beautiful beach just yards away, we hatched a plan to head into San Pedro the next morning for swimsuits, a change of clothes and some groceries.
    The queen bed in my room was firm but comfortable. The pillows were on the thin side, but there were plenty to stack up if you're a side sleeper. The room cooled off quickly once the sun went down and we were happy to find the bathroom stocked with eco-friendly shampoo and soaps that sufficed for the evening.

Inside our X'tan Ha villa. Each room is a little different.

 

   The best way to get to San Pedro from X'tan Ha is by golf cart. Radiance hooked us up with a gas-powered 4-seater, briefed us on safety and local laws, then provided us with a simple map highlighting the places we needed to go to get what we needed. I grabbed my camera and the little bottle of 30-proof sunscreen we'd purchased at the airport, loaded up the girls and headed into town. Take your time driving the backroads to San Pedro. The roads are riddled with potholes and interesting sights. The girls were delighted to find an old abandoned resort populated with banded iguanas. There were tons of local hole-in-the-wall restaurants and hand-painted signs offering everything from tours to spa services. The locals were generally friendly, though not the most patient/courteous drivers in the world. Pull over and let 'em pass if you're lolly-gaggers like us. Don't forget to pay the $2.50 (no quarters accepted) one-way toll once you cross the bridge into San Pedro. (You can't miss it, though the tourist information center is easily over-looked.)


The Famous Bamboo House Mile to Anywhere Sign

    Unfortunately, we arrived in San Pedro just two days after the devastating fire that left 88 homeless. There are three main roads through San Pedro and the center street was completely closed, diverting traffic onto the two remaining major streets. Keep in mind, a "major" street in San Pedro is roughly the old world equivalent of a neighborhood road in a typical US town. The roads teemed with golf carts - the primary mode of transportation on Ambergris Caye - and pedestrians. Occasionally we dodged speeding lightweight trucks and minivan taxis, though those were few and far between. Driving in San Pedro is not for the feint of heart. If you're not into being tailgated by impatient tourists and caution-free locals, it's best to park that golf cart early and walk it. You can pretty much walk across all of San Pedro in 15 minutes.
    Per Radiance's recommendations, we found "I Love Belize" not far from the Sandy Point Resorts dock and got to shopping. Pretty much all of the clothing had been imported from L.A. and was made out of light cotton or rayon. Even plain cotton tank tops ran about $9 USD and the simple cover-ups that would have gone for $15 in Houston ran $30-50 USD. I found a pair of shorts and tank top but still spent a non-refundable $53 on that basic casual outfit. (Tip: If buying clothes, try them on first. The sizes aren't consistent and businesses in San Pedro aren't into refunds and exchanges.) 2 outfits, 2 swimsuits, a pack of hair ties and a hand-made bracelet cost me just over $130 USD. We also found a small pharmacy (about the size of a walk-in closet) near the dock and managed to stock up on contact solution and our missing OTC's for almost nothing. Well, most of them. We were able to buy Omeprazole by the pill but my Allegra was nowhere to be found. The pharmacist, a native of Belize City who'd relocated to San Pedro and worked with her tiny daughter coloring in the corner of the shop, was kind enough to give us a lesson on understanding Belizean currency before we left. (It's similar to USD except that the color of the ink helps distinguish denominations and anything under $2 BZD is in coin form.)

   Finally, we set out to find some groceries. We got microwave popcorn, Coffee Mate and gave up on our search for sugar. The meats and veggies were - well, they'd never make the cut in the USA. There was a wide variety of unrecognizable spices and odd-looking grains, but very little we knew how to prepare given our limited Texas heritages. We never managed to find so much as a bobby pin or sunscreen over 30 spf, though we did find an $8 USD can of Cutter (family version). Be prepared to pay $7 for deodorant (full sized) and $4 for a small tube of Colgate (the only brand of toothpaste on the shelves).
    We opted to eat out and headed over to El Fogon, which Radiance had recommended. After a quick lunch that consisted of an order of beef "stew" and a plate of four lobster tostadas (enough for my friend, her daughter and I to split), frozen key lime pie and coconut cheesecake and bottled water, my daughter declared she would never eat beef stew back home again. Yeah, the food in the tiny restaurant that featured a view of a half-built building wall, was that outstanding. (On a side note, Elvie's and Ashley's Kitchen also came highly recommended by other locals and tourists alike.)
    We spent a little time walking around but felt we were taking our lives in our hands given the heavy golf cart traffic and unconcerned drivers. The police weren't super patient with clueless tourists and neither were the local drivers. Soooo...we spent our remaining "city" time walking the beach until we ran out of real estate. Keep an eye out for local artisans who create gorgeous jewelry out of found stones and conch shells. While most prices are negotiable with street vendors, I happily paid $15 USD for one such hand-made necklace.
    Now that we were fully stocked with swimwear and a change of clothes, we felt we could get started with our Belizean vacation. We spent the remainder of the evening enjoying another world-class dinner and relaxing in the pool outside our villa. A couple of our suitcases arrived, but sadly SWA had only managed to send over half of what was missing despite confirming all four bags had arrived in San Pedro that afternoon.
    The next day, we took advantage of the resort's paddleboards, life jackets and kayaks in the morning. Travis had taken over for Radiance and took good care of us, helping us get booked for our fishing tour and loaning us a volleyball for a quick game in the water. (We were pathetic.) Still without our industrial-strength sunscreen, we embarked on our reef fishing tour a little after 1:30 PM. Our guide, AC Jr, was friendly, helpful and knew the reef like the back of his hand. Unfortunately, his gear wasn't up to the task of landing the barracuda that insisted upon grabbing our hooks regardless of the locations he chose and the canopy on his boat snapped under the pressure of the choppy waters and high winds that afternoon. Our pasty-skinned blonde daughters didn't hold up well in the afternoon sun so we had to cut our fishing trip short before we landed anything for dinner. The couple we'd designated "California" who came in before us managed to go outside the reef and landed several large fish, including a beautiful snapper that the chef at Temple Run Tavern prepared for them that evening. The fishing tour runs $281 for four hours and includes beverages, bait and gear for up to four. The girls got a kick out of the fact that the water came in little plastic bags they had to bite into instead of traditional bottles and did manage to land a few small, exotic-looking fish even if we didn't catch anything worth keeping.
    By the time we got back, word came that our last two suitcases never arrived despite having been promised on the evening water taxi. Radiance was back and went to work tracking down our luggage, which turned out to be sitting in Tropic Air's offices. No one could explain why our blatantly recognizable bags were never handed off to Sandy Point's employees for delivery. Radiance had her taxi team make another run just for our bags. They showed up after dinner...with ONE bag. Yep - Tropic Air failed to hand over the second one. Hey, at least my daughter and I finally had a change of clothes, three days into our five-day trip! X'tan Ha's outstanding staff weren't taking "IDK" for an answer and kept on it as we again moseyed off for yet another amazing dinner. Who knew the next morning, our last day, our last piece of luggage would finally arrive? Kudos to the X'tan Ha team for their persistence in tracking down each piece and making a few special runs to deliver each bag outside their normal water taxi hours.
    Saturday we saved for snorkeling. We booked the 1:30 Hol Chan ("little channel") and Shark Ray Reef tour via Tuff E Nuff. Ernie (I hope I have that right), who worked out of the X'tan Ha office, was kind enough to loan us our snorkeling gear that morning so we could take the girls on a few refresher practice runs given it'd been awhile since they'd been snorkeling. It also gave me a chance to test run my underwater camera and get everything ready for our tour that afternoon. (The bright sun and clear water mean you have to have that LCD set at it's brightest even underwater.) For our snorkeling tour, a pair named Booda and Francois picked us up on the "school bus" - a hard-topped speed boat also stocked with plenty of Fanta and packaged water. (No beer for snorkeling trips.) The two men knew the reef better than I know my own back yard. (Okay, couch.) Not only did they expertly guide our little 5-person group (we picked up a Seattle native before heading out), but added a "secret" stop over the "conch graveyard" they shared only with experienced snorkelers. While I loved that extra stop and it's plethora of exotic fish varieties and beautiful coral, I have to admit the Shark Ray Reef experience that put us in the water with a school of yellow jacks, stingrays and several 5' to 7' nurse sharks was my favorite. Booda fed the sharks and rays from the boat while Francois kept an eye on us. For you non-experts - nurse sharks don't generally bite humans, but you do have to be careful of getting slapped by their powerful tails and shouldn't provoke them by poking or grabbing. However, even if you do manage to tick off one of these gentle creatures, they aren't going to do much damage with their small mouths and tiny teeth. Booda drove us back to our resort and even kindly offered to BBQ for us next time we visit Belize should we decide to snorkel with his team again. I can't wait!
    One of our favorite parts of visiting X'tan Ha was the little tiki-hut bar at the end of the dock. Armando treated us well and whipped up some wonderful papaya margaritas and virgin pina coladas for the girls. Like the rest of the staff at X'tan Ha, he and his team were friendly, extremely professional and took great pride in making our visit pleasant and memorable. It was par for the course - our last day there Eddie (the waiter) made dinner special for us and even went over the top with our final desserts in Belize. (See picture.)


Eddie's special rum cake presentation

    All in all, we didn't want to leave X'tan Ha. Ever. This tiny resort has the feel of a family-run B&B with the ambiance of true island life. There are surprising, fun touches everywhere you turn. Everyone we met there was friendly and we were able to enjoy social time with the other visitors thanks to the intimate layout of the resort and lack of consistent wi-fi to distract us from human interaction. It may not boast all the comforts of a big commercial resort, but what more do you need than a beautiful view, a comfortable bed, excellent food & coffee, and the friendliest, most professional staff you'll encounter outside a $1000 a night NYC hotel? The accommodations may only rate four stars, but the people at X'tan Ha earn it a 10 out of 5 from me!

1. 24 hours before your international flight - call and verify your passport number has been attached to your travel info.
2. When traveling internationally with just one parent, be sure to have a notarized letter from the other parent acknowledging and approving the trip. (Sole custodians excepted, but bring your custody docs in that case.)
3. Bring cash and more than one credit card. Most places in Belize take USD and the exchange rate is 2 BZD to 1 USD. (Easy math.)
4. Bring plenty of small change for tips. You'll tip lots of drivers, resort staff, tour guides and the like. Tipping well has a material impact on the service you receive, and you're likely to encounter the same faces again and again. They WILL remember you.
5. Let your credit card issuer (i.e. bank) know you're traveling out of country so they don't set a fraud alert on your card at an inconvenient moment.
6. Pack light. Big luggage may not find it's way to the island. Pack essentials (toiletries, bug repellent, sunscreen, swimsuit, PJs and a change of clothes) in a VERY small, light carry-on. Leave the fancy clothes and high heels at home. Light cotton, linen and rayon are your friends.
7. Bring your own sugar and dry creamer if you're a coffee drinker.
8. Leave the babies at home. Belize isn't Disney World and your kids need to be civilized and reasonably mature (i.e. pre-teen) to avoid annoying the other guests and truly appreciate what Ambergris Caye has to offer.
9. Be patient. Things move slow on the island, and so should you when you visit. Take time to enjoy the view.