It's Not Holiday Shopping without Whackos at Walmart

Okay, I admit it, the title to this little story is a tad misleading. Let's face it, whackos are everywhere lately. As a parent, it can be terrifying - protecting your kid, staying calm, doing your best not to become one of the deranged people that seem to plague our society in droves this time of year.

Generally, I try not to visit high volume discount stores this time of year. However, my daughter, being a Texas tween, is a fan of Walmart. And we needed toilet paper. Hey, it's $7 cheaper at Wallie world than pretty much anywhere else. I am not ashamed to save the equivalent of a lunch on 24 rolls of deluxe butt-wiping materials.

Our local Walmart, as seems to be true of most discount stores, is often that kind of place where just about anything can happen. Usually there's at least one whacked out lunatic facedown in handcuffs in the parking lot. Amazingly enough, we didn't see that today. But, it doesn't mean our trip wasn't an adventure, as well as yet another social learning opportunity for my daughter.

Lesson 1: How to Avoid Looking Like an Impatient Ignoramus in the Parking Lot

I'm usually a park-in-the-back-and-walk fan. However, my kid is injured, it was 55 degrees and raining. Fine. Front-ish parking it is. Luckily, just as I turned into a lane near one of the front doors, I saw a man stuffing a giant TV into the back of his SUV. He was just getting ready to close the door. I paused, put on my blinker, and waited. Yes, I was kind of in the middle of the road because there was a line of about 20 shopping carts being pulled out of the cart corral in what would've been my lane. No biggie. TV wasn't quite in the truck yet.

The man struggled a little with the TV. While he did, a woman in a big red pick-up truck pulled in behind me. And honked. Oh well, I couldn't go anywhere and my blinker clearly indicated my intent. At this point, I was pinned in on the right by the shopping carts and in front by the cart guy pushing more carts across the lane toward the big line. Finally, the TV guy got his back door closed. He climbed in his truck. Nothing happened.

The "lady" behind me edged closer to the back of my very small sports car and laid down on her horn. She pointed frantically at the cart corral. Okay, my car is small, but not THAT small. She made lovely gestures at my child who turned around to see what was going on behind us. She honked again. The guy pushing the carts looked at us, looked at the truck and shrugged.

Finally, TV-guy's taillights came on and he waited for the cart guy to move his metal train, then backed out of his spot. I waited for him to clear and pulled in. The impatient woman in the red truck flew by like her tush was on fire. I do hope she blushed a little when she realized that "empty" parking spot she was so furiously telling me to pull into was a cart corral. And yeah, all of this took place in under 2 minutes. She sat behind me for all of 90 seconds at best. Oh the horror!

Lesson to my child - don't be a jerk in the parking lot. Breathe. Stay calm. Or you'll look like an idiot. If someone else has missed this lesson, ignore them. It's not worth your time and probably fruitless anyway.

Lesson 2: How to Avoid Looking Like a Psycho Diva in the Store

My daughter stopped to look at some sweatshirts while I picked up a couple of items about 15 feet away. (My child is 12 and four inches taller than me, so no, I am not an inept mother.)  As I walked up to her, she was laughing to the point of almost crying. So was a mother a few feet away.

"This girl my age just walked up to me, looked me up and down, then made a snotty noise and flipped her hair at me and walked away." My daughter couldn't quit laughing. Did I mention she looks like a human Barbie doll? She dresses like...a twelve-year-old. Sometimes other junior high girls judge her based upon her appearance, most of which she can't help.

The other mom laughs, "I saw it, too. That was hilarious!"

Me: "Did you know the girl?"

Daughter: "No."

Me: "Did you do something to offend her?"

Daughter: "No. I was just standing here looking at stuff."

Lesson to my child: Ignore the nutjobs. There's no accounting for crazy. I guess they come in all ages.

What can a parent learn from all of this? Beware of your behavior. While the parking lot and in store incidents weren't actually related, they're both branches of the same diva tree. When we walk around focused in on our myopic self-centered universes, we often end up making fools of ourselves. While I imagine both of the whackos we encountered today were convinced they were going to impact us in a way that made us feel lesser, the reality is, my daughter, myself, and the sane people who witnessed their ridiculous, anti-social behaviors just saw them as, well, ridiculous. For us, it was something to laugh at, learn from, but nothing more.

When you're in public, remember all those warm blobs with arms and legs around you are people, too. Be kind, be patient, and remember, not everything is about you. The moment you think otherwise, you become just another bully that no one takes seriously, and you're certainly not impressing anyone. In the end, the people who witnessed the two whacko acts against us today reacted with kindness toward us. I guess we've all been bullied by Walmart whackos at one time or other. Best if we all band together - and have a good laugh. :)